[DFT] OT: Thanksgiving

[ThoraOdottir at aol.com]

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From: HopHopBuni at aol.com
Full-name: HopHopBuni
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 2002 13:00:29 EST
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fw: Thanksgiving-too funny not to share
To: ThoraOdottir at aol.com

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From: "conardviking" <conardviking at gwi.net>
To: <HopHopBuni at aol.com>
Cc: "Dottie Hines" <lovebug923 at ntlworld.com>,
    "Orville Groothuis" <westie at IowaTelecom.net>,
    "Floyd n Tammy" <twoodburner at IowaTelecom.net>,
    "Lisa M. Grimaldi" <aehlmg at juno.com>, <JMorin8746 at aol.com>,
    "Frances A. Hewins" <fahewins at tidewater.net>,
    "cols" <chriso1 at bellatlantic.net>, "Norm Olsen" <norm at olsenglobal.com>,
    "Dana Heath" <lahdph at yahoo.com>,
    "Daun M. Rocha" <droach at mailstation.com>,
    "Sandra L. Story" <sstory1 at maine.rr.com>
Subject: Fw: Fw: Thanksgiving-too funny not to share
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 2002 04:44:50 -0500
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----- Original Message -----
From: Clyde & Linda Rolerson
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: Wednesday, November 20, 2002 6:44 PM
Subject: Fw: Fw: Thanksgiving-too funny not to share




      > >Subject: Thanksgiving
      >
      >Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you
      >in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've
      >made a few small changes:
      >
      >Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a
      >trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
      >
      >Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with
      >the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead,
      >I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
      >
      >The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or
      >crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone
      >will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the
      >plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
      >
      >Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I
      >promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey
      >
      >We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while
      >you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have
      >made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
      >
      >As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
      >
      >We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start
      >of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've
      >also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm
      >sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.
      >
      >In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.
      >
      >Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in
      >front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at
      >our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private
      >ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter
      >the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to
      >check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It
      >stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
      >
      >I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that
      >"passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your
      >sister in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for the
      >adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence
      >of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known
      >name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.
      >
      >Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
      >
      >Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably
      >won't come next year either.
      >
      >I am thankful.
      >
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