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Respect Your Rivals
By Scott Farrell
©2004, Shining Armor Enterprises
www.ChivalryToday.com

Athletes. We've come to think of them as relentless, even ruthless
competitors whose singular goal is to crush their rivals into oblivion.
You can see it in the words we use to describe their achievements,
words like "stomp," "destroy" and "annihilate" that imply disdain and
antipathy, if not outright contempt.

Is an attitude of disrespect necessary in order to inflame competitive
drive? There are plenty of coaches and trainers that would have their
players believe so, but that hasn't always been the case. Back in the
days of the age of chivalry, respect and rivalry weren't mutually
exclusive terms. In fact, one of the most influential writers of the
15th century, Christine de Pizan*, advocated respect among competitors.
In her book "Faytes of Arms and of Chivalry," which was commissioned by
Duke John "the Fearless" of Burgundy (himself one of the greatest
sportsmen of his age), Christine explains how a competitor should treat
his rivals:

"According to the customs of true nobility a (competitor) must be
respectful in all circumstances, meaning that even to his rivals he
must be upright and truthful in act and judgment. Along with this, he
will honor those opponents who are good and meritorious as he would
wish to be honored by them ... He should not be stubborn, cruel or
malicious, (but rather) magnanimous to the vanquished and to his
inferiors."

That approach to sporting competitions might draw scoffs today - but
even among contemporary athletes we find that respectful rivalry is far
from extinct. In the recent Wimbledon tennis tournament, Maria
Sharapova, an underdog going into the event, found herself facing
Serena Williams in the final round. When Sharapova won the match, she
didn't grind her heel into the ground and howl, "In your face!"
Instead, she embraced her opponent and said, "I have to take this
trophy away from you for one year. I'm sorry. I'm sure we're going to
be here ... many more times (to) fight for the trophy."

Similarly, when Pam Reed was running the Badwater 120-mile
ultra-marathon (a grueling 24-hour race where men and women compete
head-to-head), she'd been trailing behind favored runner Christopher
Bergland for 11 hours. When she finally overtook him late in the race,
she noticed that her primary rival was suffering severe heat
exhaustion. She could have waved and shouted, "See ya in the emergency
room, loser!" Instead, she directed her support crew to share her own
limited supply of water with Bergland and got him back up and running.
(Reed went on to win the race.)

Actions like these (and countless other displays of respectful rivalry
demonstrated by professional and amateur athletes every day) show that
the spirit of chivalry lives on, despite the popular image of the
merciless, aggressive athlete. On the most elemental level, respectful
rivalry is nothing more than basic courtesy - we all want to be treated
with respect, no matter how intense the competition is.

Astute competitors would also point out that there are practical
benefits to respectful rivalry: Keeping bluster and bravado in check
gives a competitor a much more realistic assessment of the opposition.
If you want to know the strengths and weaknesses of the competition,
ask the player who's shaking their hands, not the one who's baring his
teeth and posing for the sports drink ad.

Respectful rivalry isn't a genteel throwback to a dainty age "before
people knew what real competition was all about." Medieval knights were
some of the most competitive warriors the world has ever seen - their
very existence depended on their ability to compete successfully. But
they also knew that pettiness and vainglory can taint an otherwise
worthy competition, transforming an athletic contest - or a political,
social or professional one as well - into an ugly, egotistical
mud-slinging match.

Like great knights of old, the athletes who perform today's "Faytes of
Arms and of Chivalry" are wonderful examples of how rivalry with
respect brings out the noble competitor within us all.

(*Yes, one of the most influential manuals of chivalry in social
practice, military tactics and political doctrine in the 15th century
was written by a woman ... but that's a subject for another column.)

= = = = = = = = = =
Scott Farrell says:
My thanks to Dr. Kathleen Brooks and Prof. Nina Rosenstand, hosts of
"Ethics: From Boardroom to Bedroom" for suggesting this intriguing
topic when they invited me to be the featured guest on their show on
World Talk Radio.
To hear the webcast of the July 7 edition of "Ethics: From Boardroom to
Bedroom," go to:
http://www.worldtalkradio.com/show.asp?sid=13

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Readers are permitted and encouraged to share this article with others
as a way of furthering the understanding of the Code of Chivalry in the
modern world. Scott Farrell's seminars on chivalry and the knightly
virtues are available to businesses, schools and civic organizations
throughout the Southern California area; more information can be found
on our website. Please include all copyright statements and
attributions when forwarding Chivalry Today articles. Copyright 2004
Scott Farrell and Shining Armor Enterprises. Visit our website at
www.ChivalryToday.com .