ES - Are we welcoming enough?

willow l herbert jonwillowpel at juno.com
Wed Apr 29 11:01:03 PDT 1998


M'Lady Caelin,
Thank you for your kind response.
Yours
Willow
On Sat, 16 May 1998 09:57:20 -0500 "Richard Threlkeld" <rjt at acm.org>
writes:
>If I may attempt an answer, your Grace.
>
>I am new enough to easily remember my first encounters with the 
>SCA (and it was Elfsea).  You were, in fact, the second person 
>I met and were exceptionally gracious.  
>
>The problem you mention derives from the authority that a "brass hat" 
>carries (and that seems even greater to the new player).  You might 
>use that authority to ask someone to mentor the potential player 
>during 
>the current event and ask the mentor to tell them about titles 
>and such.  This would reduce the impact of being told you goofed 
>up on addressing such a high person.  In fact, I was told something 
>like that "She should be addressed as Your Grace, but don't 
>worry about it.  We don't expect you to know such things until 
>you've been in the SCA a little while.  Try calling everyone 
>Lord or Lady when you don't know.  They won't take offence."
>
>The mentor is there to answer the mirad of questions that a 
>new player will ask.  Our social fabric is very complicated 
>and requires some study.  After 1.5 years, I still need help 
>with some of it.  Luckily, many are willing and gracious about 
>providing it to me even though I am not still a new player.
>
>Mentoring, by the way, teaches you a lot about our society.  Most 
>of the questions are easily answered from your own experience, but 
>some require you to ask others or research.  It also reminds you 
>what new people want to know and what they need to learn quickly 
>to enjoy the experience.
>
>In service to the dream, Ansterroa, and Elfsea,
>Caelin
>
>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: owner-elfsea at Ansteorra.ORG 
>[mailto:owner-elfsea at Ansteorra.ORG]On
>> Behalf Of willow l herbert
>> Sent: Monday, April 27, 1998 7:15 PM
>> To: elfsea at Ansteorra.ORG
>> Subject: Re: ES - Are we welcoming enough?
>> 
>> 
>> Hi Gwennydd this is Willow
>> I hope I wasn't the brass hat that told you that but If I was I am 
>sorry
>> for not putting it better. 
>> This brings up a difficult question. If you were around a new person 
>and
>> they got their titles wrong you would probably try to give them
>> information but as a brass hat if I try to give data (even if I try 
>to
>> explain it is OK) the person is often upset. If they find out later 
>that
>> they used the wrong title and I didn't tell them they are also upset 
>. I
>> get it coming and going. How would you deal with this situation?
>> I believe that the courtesy and titles give a special air to our
>> activities. I believe they do more than all the wall-hangings in the
>> world in making the magic. Of course, in keeping with my 12th 
>century
>> background, I believe all should be greeted by their title. I 
>received my
>> Laurel after being in the SCA for 12 years without a single title. I 
>love
>> my Mistress but during those 12 years I would had died for a Lady. I 
>know
>> of many a person who is no longer in Elfsea because after they 
>received
>> their AOA no one greeted them as Lord or Lady. Most people work very 
>hard
>> for whatever awards they have gotten and we should all respect them 
>for
>> their work. I known sometimes we don't agree that someone should get 
>an
>> award but we shouldn't take away from others that do deserve their
>> awards. 
>> I would like everyone to get used to using titles and doing the
>> courtesies. People in the MIddle Ages didn't see them as a boundary 
>but
>> simply a social greeting.
>> Willow
>> 
>> >At one of my first fighter practices, I was told by a brass hat "My 
>
>> >proper title 
>> >is . . . "  I was crushed!  If I hadn't been stubborn, that 
>probably 
>> >would have 
>> >stopped my playing altogether because of that.  But I'm more 
>stubborn 
>> >than I 
>> >am shy, so I'm still here. ;-) o approach *you*!  
>> >
>> >Yours in service,
>> >
>> >Gwennydd of Dovey
>> 
>> 
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