ES - For those interested in fighting...

[Arabella de Montacute]

Hey Drake, What a great missive.  I am a really feely kind of person, 
and when I read things that make me think about my feelings it taps a 
flag or two.  Would you let me publish this in the Elfsea Scroll?  I 
probably won't print it until closer to Gulf War when my subscriptions 
are back to normal.  I want everyone to see this.  Arabella

----Original Message Follows----
From: CraigCC at aol.com
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 00:34:15 EST
To: elfsea at Ansteorra.ORG
Subject: Re: ES - For those interested in fighting...
Reply-To: elfsea at Ansteorra.ORG

Unto the Populace of Elfsea, Greetings!

I would first like to thank Viscount Galen for broaching this subject.  
It is
one that scholars, athletes, coaches, senseis and philosophers have been
debating as long as there have been contests of skill and intellect.  

I desperately hope I do not sound too self-aggrandizing when I say that 
I have
had more than a bit of success on the fighting field.  This is truly not 
meant
to seem a self-promotion.  In any regards, I would like to share my 
viewpoint.

I, and many other senior fighters, have invested a vast amount of time, 
effort
and discipline in developing their individual levels of fighting 
prowess.
And, it logically follows that the ultimate test of these hard-won 
abilities
is upon the list field.  Nowhere else does can a warrior be certain that 
his
opponent is doing his/her utmost to best him.  I believe this holds true 
even
upon the melee/war field. 

This having been said, I have observed in myself, and assorted other
successful fighters, a strange and confusing syndrome.   

1.  It is a deeply rooted, primal human need to succeed.  So, logically, 
at
some level every  fighter wants to win his/her bout and the tournament.
2.  Beyond the primal need to conquer, every fighter on a far more
intellectual level needs to use these bouts as yardsticks for his/her
technical progression.  Personally, I have learned more useful 
information
about my own fighting (as well as that displayed by others on the 
tourney
field) in official combat, than I ever learned on the fighter practice 
field.
In addition, I must admit I normally cannot muster up the level of
"competetive-edginess" in practice bouts.  I estimate I only am
physically/mentally able to fight at a max of 70%  outside of tourney 
combat.
3.  Now comes the confusing part.  After a certain level of success has 
been
achieved in tournament combat, it seems to me that the successful 
fighter
starts having some negative feelings regarding entering the lists 
(BTW...all
of the fighters in which I have observed this behavior are also those I 
would
consider deeply honorable about most things).
First, one experiences a guilt-type feeling.  It truly feels 
dishonorable
enter a list in which you are the favorite.  The nagging guilt whispers 
in the
back of your head "Let someone else enjoy the thrill of victory, you 
putz!"   
Second, if the fighter is lucky/skilled enough to enjoy a streak of 
victories
they become somewhat old-hat.  The thrill of each individual, and the 
overall,
victory is greatly dampened.  I KNOW a lot of you are weeping huge tears 
at
this last bit (OOHH poor guy, having to win so much), but please take it 
in
the spirit it was intended.  It may happen to you.
Third, all of the above factors may, at times, build upon eachother and 
impart
to the fighter a general feeling of malaise about fighting in general.
Strangely, this also seems to happen when a fighter is not having enough
success.



In conclusion, I will admit to a certain Catch-22 in my own response to 
these
feelings. 
If I decide to take myself out of consideration for the list, well...it 
really
feels a lot like regular old fighter practice.  However, if I gear up 
and
fight at "tournament speed" those nagging specters of guilt nip at my 
honor.
In the end, I believe that this is why the most successful fighters tend 
to
eventually gravitate to fighting in only the large, prestigious 
tournaments.
It is only here that they can guilt-free unleash their considerable 
skill,
because the are fighting EACHOTHER.  


Thanks for listening Elfsea,


Your friend Drake
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