No subject

[JJOHNSON at ccsb.com]

I was sifting through my e-mail this morning and ran across Lady Anne's
note about her wedding plans.  The very next e-mail I came to was sent
from my grandfather, he likes to keep me up to date on the latest tasteless
humor.  Anyway, please do not think that I am sending this e-mail as a
joke on Lady Anne and Lord Charles' wedding.  I just wanted to crack a
few smiles this morning.

Have a good day!
Azalais


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow
has, you
wish you had ordered that.
 
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I
married the wrong man.
 
"Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
 
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
 
Young Son Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad That happens in every country, son.
 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have
mine."
 
A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
 
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her. - Sacha Guitry
 
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
 
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seem
longer.
 
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
 
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
 
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
 
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out
with
the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
 
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
 
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he
wants,
provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment
and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
 
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry
done free.
 
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the
husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I
wouldn't be here."
 
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
 
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
 
Words to live by Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.
 
First guy (proudly) "My wife's an angel!" Second guy "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."
 
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.



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