ES - time to laugh

[JJOHNSON at ccsb.com]

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
   Seeing your mother-in-law going over a cliff in your new car.

   What's the height of conceit?
   Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

   What's the definition of macho?
   Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

   What's the difference between Michael Jackson and  a grocery bag?
   One is made of plastic and is dangerous for
   children to play with....  The other is used  to  carry
   groceries.

  Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
  Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

  How do you double the value of a Yugo?
  You fill it with gas.

  What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in  common?
  Neither of them can stop a Bronco.

  Have you heard George Michael's new song?
  It's called Zip Me Up Before You Go Go.

  What is forty foot long and has eight teeth?
  The front row at a Garth Brooks concert.

  What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
  God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

   What's the weather like in Tahoe?
   Gloomy all over and Sonny around one tree.

   Why is divorce so expensive?
   Because it's worth it.

   What is 8 straight days of oral sex just prior to Christmas?
   Hanukkah Lewinsky.


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