ES - Need to make Amends

Margaret Risher Ldy_Simone at hotmail.com
Mon Apr 10 20:27:25 PDT 2000


Unto the Populace of the Barony of Elfsea,

Hail Do I Lady Simone Ui'Dunlainge send greetings.

I write this to you all not just because it is the right thing to do, but also because I need to. For my recovery depends on it. 
I owe you all the members of Elfsea a living amends.  As I have been progressing in strengthening my foundation of recovery
I have had to look hard at the last few years, at were fear has kept me from from gettng to know many of you. or even letting 
many of you get to know me past a superficial level. my fear of getting close to people and having to move. ( i grew up in the service)
has kept me from getting to involved with most of you even though I care deeply for many of you. the fear of having to say good by be 
it founded or not has kept me at bay. For the first time in my life I am in a situation were moving out of the area is not a fact set in 
stone as it has been in the past. and for me this is forign ground. I have lived my life not letting others i care for get close to me. 
or letting them know what's going on with me.  in doing so I have denied myself the opertunity for some good frindships and 
denied you all the chance to get to know me. it is just now sinking in that i will be living here a long time. for the first time
 I'll be setting down roots. This is a learning experiance for me because I have never build long lasting friendships. 
I've known people for long times as associates. True freindship is something I am just now learning about. 
To be honest this scares me senceless, and I need your help. I do not know how to build long lasting friendships. 
I do not know how to let others in and not run away and hide afterwards. to the point that this letter and 
others my sponcer has told me I need to write scare the wits out of me. There are many of you That i love and cherish, that I keep
in my prayers that I have never told out of fear. how near and dear they were.

I am going to do my best to make a living amends to you all by learning to be a friend. by letting you all in the best I can. If I'm
messing up tell me. give me suggestions on how to be better. this is a learning process for me. one that i must do and it terrifies me,

I love you all

Lady Simone Ui'Dunlainghe
MKA Margaret Stevens
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