ES - Shooting the Duck....

[Tim Rayburn]

Lady Maria,

You have an excellent point here.  I know from personal experience that
attempts to do what you feel are for the better can sometimes come under
immediate fire from those that wish to share their two cents.  It is very
easy to feel that your idea, or even you yourself, are the subject of the
scorn of these posts or conversations.  This is because you are attached to
your idea, you think it's good or you would not share it, and so when it is
attacked you feel attacked.  

In general negative posts run in two veins, and you must use a careful eye
to determine which is which.  The first, and the dismissable, are those that
truly are personal attacks, or those that simply do not wish to entertain
your idea.

The second, and very hard to seperate group, are those that disagree with
your opinion.  These come in two types themselves, with and without
explination.  Those that disagree and explain why are easy enough to deal
with, as you know why they feel the way they do.  Those that disagree
without a given reason are often mistaken for a personal attack when in fact
these are often people speaking from experience but not explaining
themselves well.  The best way to determine if a particular post is a simple
attack or a person with experience to share that simply did not explain,
that experience to you, is to ask for more details regarding their
objection.

Also remember that even if someone speaks from experience, that does not
make that experience correct.  It is perfectly valid for two people of
intelligence and manners to disagree on a subject.  If this is the case,
agree to disagree, but expect to have to answer to why those points are not
relevant if you wish to go forward.

I understand how easy it is to get your feelings tromped in this process,
there were several times during the process of considering the Tanglewood
site that I ran into this, but addressing the issues of your objectors is
the surest way to either prove or disprove your own idea.  The important
trap to avoid is continuing to forward your idea as viable after strong
points have been made against it that you cannot address.

Timothy

-----Original Message-----
If you have a problem with the discussion, that's fine, but instead of just 
giving negative feedback, why not give your ideas on how to improve the 
situation or the idea? Why do some folks feel that it's OK to shoot 
another's idea down without giving a positive feedback? These negative 
feedbacks with no positive comments can really cause hard feelings. They can

potentially drive away current members and drive off completely any 
newcomers reading these posts or making a post.
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