[Elfsea] An informative history lesson....

[Arabella de Montacute]

Since things hsve been so serious laterly I thought we needed a Historical laugh.  Pendaran sent these to me today, I thank him very much I needed a good laugh.

>I don't know if these are real or made up, but they're funny!
>-Brian
>
>The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history  test.
>Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.
>
>1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
>hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is
>such  that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
>2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made  unleavened
>bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on  Mount
>Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.  He died before he ever reached
>Canada.
>
>3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred  porcupines.
>
>4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
>wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female  moth.
>
>5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
>advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
>his  death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
>6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,  and
>threw the java.
>
>7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.  The
>Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
>king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
>8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard  Shaw.
>
>9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a  success.
>When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted  "hurrah."
>
>10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.   Gutenberg invented
>removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was  the
>circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
>invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the
>world  with a 100-foot clipper.
>
>11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.  He was
>born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
>money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
>comedies, and  hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet
>are an example of a  heroic couple.
>
>12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He  wrote
>Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
>Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>
>13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented  Congress.
>Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of  the
>Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
>cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
>Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
>14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.   Lincoln's mother
>died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built  with his
>own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
>Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
>and  got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
>They believe  the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
>actor. This ruined  Booth's career.
>
>15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a  large
>number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
>kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most
>famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German,
>half  Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>
>16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he  wrote
>loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
>calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>
>17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
>inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
>machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
>spring up.  Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the
>work of a hundred  men.
>
>18. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits.
>
>19. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the  Species.
>
>20. Madman Curie discovered the radio.
>
>21. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
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