[Elfsea] FW: Groaners to start your Friday off right
Richard.Threlkeld at usa.xerox.com
Fri Jul 18 08:43:44 PDT 2003
And another bit of light fun. This one is G-rated.
From: Sunny Letot [mailto:theletot at yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, July 18, 2003 8:27 AM
To: Mom and Dad; Michael Jung
Subject: Groaners to start your Friday off right
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
A backward poet writes inverse.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
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