[Elfsea] OT Halloween saftey

[Don and Monica]

We always caution our children but here are some saftey tips for the rest of
us that my house brother sent me. Happy All Hallows Eve!

Halloween Safety Tips

I'm sure that you've all seen these rules before and
really, they're just common sense. But since we're
coming up to that time of the year, I think it's
wise to review them. Something about this time of year
can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe
and Happy Halloween.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER, EVER go check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even just mumbling to
yourself,
if you can't read silently you have no business with such a thing anyway!

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out.

4. If your pets speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies
to people who speak with somebody else's (usually deep) voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
off or even split up and go it alone.

6. As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or
crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead
as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a
loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET
THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, lights go on and off, a fire
just appears in the hearth, or doors open and close by themselves - do not
check for drafts, do not
check for short circuits; just get out!

9 1/2. Why, why, why would you even think of sleeping in that house if that
happened?

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look
around!

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless
you're sure you know what you're doing. And even if
you're sure you know what you're doing, just don't
fool with it!

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite
the fact that you are running and the monster is
merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough
to catch up  with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination
for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so
on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations,
some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in  Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house
to phone for help. If you think that it is strange
because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a
cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants
who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your
house.

17 1/2. When the exorcist/whatever declares the house is "clear", your
troubles have
just begun.

18. Never look under the stairs. or the bed. or in the closet. or the
cellar,
attic.....you get the idea.

19. Don't take anything back to the lab that looks
like it might hatch real soon - especially if it is
transparent, something inside is moving, or it
appears to be lighted from within. In the same vein,
never bend over to look into anything that looks like
an opening egg.

20. If you don't want to be chased by the monster (or
serial killer, shark, alien, giant snake, radioactive
ants, etc.)...don't wear skimpy clothes or wet
T-shirts.

21. If you are being chased by a car, don't run into the
building, the car will corner you and rev it's engine
menacingly before destroying the house, business,
police station, etc. Whereas, if you just run down the road
it can't catch you.

22. Never unwrap the mummy. (See........Always good to have duct tape
on-hand just in case something unravels)

23. Going faster than some barrier: sound, light,
gossip...is generally bad news for someone somewhere.

24. When flying on an airplane, at night, in a storm,
don't raise the shade to see what that noise out on
the wing was.

25. Don't talk to sheriffs wearing reflecting sunglasses
in towns that are so small the gas station has one
pump.

26. Silver works - garlic doesn't.

Happy Halloween !!