[Elfsea] anybody ever wonder...

[Betsy Marshal]

How lawyers celebrate the holidays?

 

Happy(1) Holidays(2)

1.       "Happy" is meant to imply generally-accepted standards of
cheerfulness and good temper as defined by the American Medical Association,
with the understanding that precise definitions of the state of "happiness"
will vary from user to user and jurisdiction to jurisdiction. No necessity
or coercion is implied in the promulgation of this wish, nor is any
responsibility implied if your current attitude is not to your satisfaction.
Anything you cannot cope with is therefore your own problem. 

2.       In the generally-accepted sense, "Holidays" are meant to include
the customary festivities surrounding the end and beginning or similar point
of conjunction between an "old," or expired, and "new," or anticipated,
temporal unit. If this conjunction of artificial temporal demarcations is
considered by the user to have any particular positive significance, please
accept our desire that the user should experience this phenomenon to the
maximum effect. If on the other hand, no such significance is present, or a
negative or depressive significance is associated, our liability for this
condition is limited to that which is defined by relevant Federal, State and
local regulations. If the temporal conjunction referred to above is
associated in the mind of the user with any established, current, former,
imaginary or unheard-of religion, our wishes extend only to the positive or
beneficial portions of that religion or set of beliefs. No warranty for
changes to your mental state that may or may not result from your reading of
this wish is expressed or implied. 

 

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