[Elfsea] FW: [Loch-Ruadh] Men's gifts

[Wilkerson, Glen D]

Guns, you forgot guns - you can never have enough guns.  Or swords...
 
Alaric 

  _____  

From: elfsea-bounces+glen.d.wilkerson=lmco.com at ansteorra.org
[mailto:elfsea-bounces+glen.d.wilkerson=lmco.com at ansteorra.org] On
Behalf Of Richard Threlkeld
Sent: Wednesday, December 07, 2005 2:08 PM
To: elfsea at ansteorra.org
Subject: [Elfsea] FW: [Loch-Ruadh] (no subject)


With thanks to Loch-ruadh.
Caelin

  _____  

From: loch-ruadh-bounces+rjt=softwareinnovation.com at ansteorra.org on
behalf of Julie Self
Sent: Wed 12/7/2005 1:10 PM
To: landsglover at hotmail.com; loch-ruadh at ansteorra.org;
self67 at hotmail.com
Subject: [Loch-Ruadh] (no subject)





Subject: Men's gifts
With the holidays approaching, use these Shopping Rules for Men's  Gifts

Rule #1:

When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not  matter if
he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet  to
complain.  As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No
one
knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy  him anything with the
word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two  words.
"Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. "By-the-way, are
you  through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one  knows
why.


Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him  anything for his car. A
99-cent  ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer  or something to hang
from
his  rear view mirror. Men love gifts for  their cars. No one knows why.


Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks. Do not  buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
I was told that if God had wanted  men to wear bathrobes, he
wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.


Rule  #5:


You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they  have
worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen  TV
with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he
flips,  and flips, and flips.


Rule #6:

Do not buy a man any of those fancy  liqueurs, except Godiva.  If you
do, it
will
sit in a cupboard for 23 years.


Rule  #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave  or
deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.


Rule  #8:

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within  a
couple  of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks.
Shorts.
Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one  knows
why.


Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says "some  assembly required" on
the  box.  It will ruin his day and he will  always have parts left
over.


Rule #10:

Good places to shop for  men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr
Lumber, Home Depot, Lowes, John Deere,  Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab
Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance  Centers are also excellent
men's
stores.)  It doesn't matter if he  doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
Auto,
eh?
Must be something I need.  Hey isn't this a starter for a '68
Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")


Rule  #11:


Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will  barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.  Tell
him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who  wants
a  hamburger?"


Rule #12:

Tickets to a football, hockey  or basketball game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets  to "A Retrospective of
19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.


Rule  #13:

Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw.
If  you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens
when he gets a  label maker.


Rule #14:

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or  an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must  be
an extension ladder. No one knows why.


Rule #15:

Rope. Men love  rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or
at  least the Boy  Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
manila rope. No one  knows why.


Julie/Gwen/Mom
Loch Ruadh Rocks!!


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