[Elfsea] Ironic Frustration - LONG

Sun Jun 8 08:04:13 PDT 2008

The Bloody Baron "from" Elfsea makes good points.  We all have much to learn
from his time leading this barony.

We have spent alot of time talking about what we like and do not like about
events.  We will never have one event that presents all of us a definitive
"good time".  The best we can do is hope that we provide an opportunity for
as many as we can to enjoy an activitity that they like.  But in the end, we
are all responsible for our own good time.

But he makes a really good point in his post script.

We need discussion on the event calendar for 2009.

Once again -

Do we move Defender to second weekend in May and do a collegium in the fall?
Do we keep Defender as is and do a collegium in late February?

We need input.  The officers of this barony need your good ideas.

If the officers and those present reach consensus at business meeting, we
will be announcing, not discussing the changes at Moot.

Please participate in this decision.

in faith and fealty to our Crown
Dáire and Druinne

On Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 9:38 AM, Rick Johnston <rikr_foetipper at yahoo.com>
wrote:

> Well said your excellency!
>
>
>
> Rikr
>
> --- On *Sun, 6/8/08, Dragonetti <dragonetti at generich.com>* wrote:
>
> From: Dragonetti <dragonetti at generich.com>
> Subject: [Elfsea] Ironic Frustration - LONG
> To: "'Barony of Elfsea'" <elfsea at lists.ansteorra.org>
> Date: Sunday, June 8, 2008, 5:23 AM
>
>
>  Greetings and felicitations,
>
> My apologies for the long-winded ramblings...
>
> A friend of mine shared an observation today that I felt was quite
> insightful. Frustrated with the SCA recently, my friend has observed a few
> others expressing frustrations online. It was noted that many of the folks
> likely to resent, or feel targeted by some comments may do so because those
> folks are, in fact, quite dedicated and responsible,  wishing  to be good
> stewards in their positions. Others who have a proclivity to be negative,
> unfriendly, paranoid, indifferent, or whatever, are often oblivious to their
> own indifference, rudeness, disruptiveness or negativity and no amount of
> attention or pleading will enlighten them.
>
> In other words, some who bring us down, are unaware or don't care, while
> others doing their best to bring us up, feel attacked or unappreciated. Not
> at all the desired effect. Regardless of which person or group you think I'm
> inferring, the "other" person or group can just as easily feel they have the
> moral high ground here.
>
> Its a sad dichotomy. Those in need of "heeding" a suggestion are often
> least likely to think the message is for them.
>
> For instance, the topic of poor manners is sadly a recurring theme. Those
> that pay attention, and take the concerns to heart, by definition are
> already concerned (or inclined to be) about manners and likely practice good
> manners already. Those that do not pay attention to such pleas, or are
> turned off by them, are likely blissfully unaware that they are the target
> audience. So much preaching to the choir. Those who understand, get it.
> Those who don't, are not likely to as a result of reading about it online.
>
> Now in my opinion, any effort to effect change through sarcasm or guilt, no
> matter how well-intentioned, is fundamentally flawed. In this instance, the
> goal of sarcasm or guilt is to "wake 'em up" so they'll see the error of
> their ways. I believe those for whom sarcasm or guilt would be effective can
> be counseled in a more positive manner. If not, sarcasm and guilt will
> hardly do the trick. For most, it will harden their hearts and their resolve
> to resist the suggestion. The exact opposite of the goal! They are negative force
> s  that serve to stoke strong emotions and deepen divisions. If a
> suggestion is particularly good, the victim of the sarcasm may eventually
> concede, but will we all feel warm and fuzzy as a result? I don't know about
> you, but I have never been endeared towards any group or individual who
> throws guilt or sarcasm my way. And I am certainly reluctant to reward it by
> taking the suggestion.....otherwise, I simply invite more sarcasm or guilt
> the next time they wish to educate me.
>
> While it may work for some, in my mind, it's a poor strategy. To say,
> "well, that's what it takes to get any attention" is to admit the weakness
> of one's contention. A truly good suggestion does not need sarcasm or guilt
> to illicit action. It may be a documentable, period movement, but that does
> not mean it is virtuetous. Now some good options do go unheeded as well.
> It's unavoidable, for instance, say a group receives 3 solid bids for xxx,
> only one can be granted. People say they understand that, but most feel hurt
> nonetheless, and whispers and accusations of cliques and favoritism all too
> often occur. There's a fine line between well meaning sarcasm and sour
> grapes.
>
>  Many seem to labor under a false assumption, that "those in charge" are
> all powerful and can "make it so" with a "wave of the scepter" or can
> somehow conspire to stop us from having fun. HA! The power of our leaders
> derives directly from the populace and the power (ie., co-operation) we give
> them.
>
> Now I truly believe most folks generally have good intentions. In fact,
> rarely have I seen true sinister intent. However, too often it is ascribed
> to those who voice concerns to the leadership, as well as to the leaders who
> are usually just trying their best to make good decisions, which are often
> very difficult and sometimes unpopular. Our methods may differ, and our
> visions of the dream may be varied, but I believe we all desire an escape
> from the foibles of our modern world and long for a place where honor and
> chivalry reign supreme. It is frustrating for us all when our efforts to
> create that place seem undermined or thwarted.
>
> Miscommunication and incomplete facts are usually the culprit, not an evil
> nature or mean spirit. The thing that saddens me most are the friendships
> lost to stubbornness, missteps and miscommunications. And I have lost my
> share.
>
> When frustrated with a situation, I try to remember the only thing I can
> truly change is myself and the way I choose to perceive the situation. I can
> choose to "Thank" an officer for giving of their time and resources to the
> group, or I can choose to gripe that I should have gotten the position and
> could do a better job.  I can advise a leader of concerns, I can keep quiet
> and hope it blows over or I can choose to subvert them if they turn a blind
> eye. (Though I will never intentionally do that.)
>
> So the next time you observe poor manners, you can be saddened, offended,
> upset, gripe, chastise or you can choose to be generous, assume mitigating
> circumstances, perhaps there are facts unknown to you, or better yet simply
> provide an example of good manners yourself, without comment or
> condescension. There are optimists and there are pessimists, and though I'm
> more pessimistic than I would like to admit, I truly *want* to be an
> optimist. I *can* choose to be one. My hope is to try and lead by example
> with positive contributions and to use frustrating situations or
> circumstances to remind me to do so. I believe no amount of "instruction"
> given by me to another is going to change their nature, but by living the
> best example that I can, while knowing I am not perfect, do I seek to be a
> positive influence in the world.
>
> So let me say "Thank you" to EVERYONE who strives to make the SCA fun and a
> place where honor and chivalry reign supreme!
>
> HE Armand Dragonetti
> The Bloody Baron of Ansteorra
>
> P.S.: Now what are gonna do about our calendar?
>
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