[Elfsea] issue

[Baron of Elfsea]

Mi’lord Vittorio,

I regret that I do not consistently have a pleasant and inviting manner.  It is a task I work on continually.  I have to remind myself that everyone - new comer and long time member - does not necessarily have insight into my day, and so I should be at least pleasant if not friendly.

I regret that your initial visits to Elfsea fighter practice were not fun.  I am glad that His Majesty Lochlan and Master Sebastian took the time to welcome you to the barony and the Society.

I appreciate your willingness to step up, and endure a bit of a firestorm, with your post.  There is a definite challenge in balancing the long time member's sense of limited time with the newcomer's desire to find out what all the fun is about.

As Countess Amelot posted in another venue, I do prefer we long time member's volunteering to be denoted as "If you are new, come ask me questions."  That way, if we are up to the task and volunteer, then we know to step outside ourselves and be the welcoming host.

Again, I welcome both you and your lady to Elfsea!

Alejandro


From: Steven Bowman 
Sent: Tuesday, August 27, 2013 1:48 PM
To: Barony of Elfsea 
Subject: [Elfsea] issue

I am dismayed as I write this.  As much as we proclaim in court that Ansteorra is growing and strong I fear that she much like the rest of the SCA is shrinking.  I have brought 5 friends on separate occasions to fighter practice. I have invited them to events.  Because of their experience with practice most refuse to come.  I did manage to get one of my friends to come this past weekend to KRA.   

I had an awesome time fencing with friends at KRA.  I learned some stuff.  But I noticed much like my friend that being a new comer isn't easy. 

"how was the event? Did you meet new people?"

"It was ok. No, no one really talked to me.  I said Hi to a few people but no one took the time to ask who I was or where I was from." (Disclaimer this was before court.  We sat next to a lovely couple in court that were both pointy hats from Bordermarch who were pleasant and most welcoming)

In an event with so many pointy hats, laurels, white scarves, red scarves, and um... oh yeah pelicans it amazed both of us that there wasn't more welcoming of new comers.  This is not a single incident either.

At practice one of my friends, who proclaimed they were interested in heavy, was ignored.  I tried to introduce him and myself to people that we didn't know (cough white belts).  We received a Hi followed quickly by an ABC conversation that wandered towards the fighting field and no one returned to even offer to ask questions.  

There are people in the area locally that still won't give me the time of day because "so many new people come through that they don't want to waste their time".  I am wondering if you "wasted" your time that maybe the new people might stay.

So the complaint I have from my friends is that the SCA is a bunch of clicks that no one can seem to break into.  Even if they have similar interests.  They become disheartened quickly and do not come back.  

I am no different.  I was outgoing and annoyed my way into people knowing who I am at least locally.  I am lucky that on my 2nd time back to practice I met with two individuals that restored my faith in the SCA somewhat.  Those 2 being our stellar majesty Brandon McDermott and Master Sebastian, our local Seneschal.  They have been welcoming individuals from the moment I said hello.  There have been others that after exposure have come around to being welcoming.  Seriously though, that shouldn't take months.

There are few others that have been immediately welcoming. Elizabeth Marshall and her husband come to mind.  Very few others.  Mostly my friends respond to my prodding about coming to the events with "I'm not part of that click"

I am sorry Ansteorra but I think you forgot something.  That pointy hat, that scarf, belt, necklace... those aren't awards.  Those are responsibilities. Those are there to show others that you have been recognized as having peer like qualities or close to it.  Part of those qualities is welcoming new guests.  When a current member brings a guest, everyone (especially peers) should go out of their way to make them feel welcome.  I shouldn't have to feel awkward talking to my friends about the SCA.  It's become a sore subject.

Unfortunately, at the time I didn't know some of the local people well enough to email or message them to come meet us. You know what though I shouldn't have to.  So I am putting this call out to everyone in the SCA. If you see someone you have never seen before, haven't met, haven't talked to, then go meet them.  Go up to a new person and say more then Hi.  You say hi to a stranger on the street.  This is potentially SCA family.  They might be new to the SCA or they might just be new to the group.  

If you aren't willing to take on that responsibility then why are you here? Most people aren't going to put in the time to overcome shyness and concern worrying about rejection to put themselves out there. I don't care.   I'll walk up to anyone and say hi.  Some people you have to put it out there and welcome.  Welcoming means more then just saying Hi. I can't say that enough.  

Oh an it's not just me. I watch a group of muggles walk into KRA.  They looked confused and bewildered. I watched 3... THREE!!!! pointy hats walk around them.  I took 5 minutes to talk to them. They were a wonderful group of people.  They were interested but so many people walked by acting like they didn't matter or weren't there that I doubt they will be back. It would be awesome if they did.

Don't shun new people.  If you want me to continue to bring new people... knock it off.


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