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<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>To our dear friends,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>It is our hope that you all have a safe and Merry
Christmas with your loved ones.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Vincenzo & Nuala</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>(Due to our recent computer crash, we have lost
everyone's e-mail address.)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT
color=#ff0000>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV><FONT
color=#ff0000> <BR>1.
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.<BR><BR>2. Drink as
much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In
fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other
time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in
every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or
something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than
you think. It's Christmas!<BR><BR>3. If something comes with gravy, use it.
That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a
volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
Repeat.<BR><BR>4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.<BR><BR>5. Do not have a snack before going
to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.
Hello?<BR><BR>6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This
is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.<BR><BR>7. If you
come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas
cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't
budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're
like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to
see them again.<BR><BR>8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice
of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?<BR><BR>9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.<BR><BR>10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread
all tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
</FONT></DIV>
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<DIV><BR><FONT color=#ff0000>Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be
a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand,
martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"</FONT></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV>
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