ANSTHRLD - May Gazette

[tmcd at jump.net]

To digress: my "Vasty Deep" comment was a paraphrase from this note:
(It's originally from Shakespeare, _Henry IV_ I think, where there's
an exchange along the lines of
    I can call spirits from the vasty deep!
    So can I and so can any man, but will they come when you call?
)


    From: iayork at panix.com (Ian A. York)
    Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
    Subject: Re: Flaps on active
    Date: 26 May 1999 10:39:11 -0400
    Message-ID: <7ih12f$p0o$1 at panix3.panix.com>

In article <3749dd1f.8568369 at news.zetnet.co.uk>,
Phil Edwards <amroth at zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
>
>Did I mention I can call spirits from the vasty deep? (I can, too!)

  *RING*  *RING*

Hello, you have reached the Spirits Central Office voice-mail system.
To be connected to the Earth and Fire Division, please press one now,
followed by a sacrifice of an eligible virgin.  For the Darkness
Division, press two.  For Potables, press three.  For the Vasty Deeps
Division, press four ...
 
  *BOOP*

You have reached the Vasty Deeps Department, Spirits Central.
Your call is very important to us.  If you know your party's
four-digit extension, you may enter it at any time.  If you wish to
speak to Souls Accounting, please press one now, followed by the
ritual incantation.  If you have a question about prices or
availability, please press two.  If you have a complaint, please press
eleven.  If you wish to speak to a Spirit, please stay on the line.

  ...

*CLICK*

 ...


We're sorry, all Spirits are busy assisting other customers.  If you
wish to return to the main menu, please press one and burn a human
heart.  If you wish to leave a message on the voice-mail system,
please press two.  Otherwise, please stay on the line and the first
available Spirit will answer your call.  Your call is very important
to us!

 ...


We're sorry, all Spirits are still busy.  You may press one at any
time, followed by the desecration of a minor religious icon, to be
returned to the main menu.  Otherwise, please stay on the line.  Your
call is very important to us!

 ...

We're sorry, all Spirits are still busy.  Your call is number ... FIVE
MILLION ... THREE ... HUNDRED AND ...FORTY... THOUSAND ... TWENTY ...
FIVE.  Please stay on the line while reciting "Leviticus" backward and
your call will be answered in the order it was received.  Your call is
very important to us!

 ...


We're sorry, all Spirits are still busy.  If you wish to remain on the
line, please remove your pants and perform a fandango widdershins about
your telephone.  Thank you.  Your call is very important to us!

 ...

Thank you for holding.  Your call is number ... TWO.  Your call will
be answered ... NEXT.  Please have your soul's serial number and
credit card receipts handy.  Thank you for holding.  Your call is very
important to us!

 *CLICK*
 *CLICK*
 *CLICK*

 ...

 *CLICK*

You have reached the Vasty Deeps Department, Spirits Central.
Your call is very important to us.  If you know your party's
four-digit extension, you may enter it at any time.  If you wish to
speak to Souls Accounting, please press one now, followed by the
ritual incantation.  If you have a question about prices or
availability, please press two.  If you have a complaint, please press
eleven.  If you wish to speak to a Spirit, please stay on the line.



-- 
    Ian York   (iayork at panix.com)  <http://www.panix.com/~iayork/>
    "-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
     very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England



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