LR - FWD: ES - Bjorn's Saga

Padraig Ruad O'Maolagain padraig_ruad at
Mon Mar 27 10:53:44 PST 2000

Well folks, here it is:

The completed copy of Bjorn's Saga.  Those of you who requested it for
republishing, go right ahead, I don't mind at all as long as you credit me
as the author.  For those of you who haven't requested, and want to
republish this, that's fine too, as long as you credit me as the author.

In service,
Captain Bjorn Grimmsson
Arthurian Company
Elfsea, Ansteorra

Written from the perspective of another Arthurian.

Bjorn's Saga

    One day many moons ago, Bjorn was saddened by the news that he could not
go fight for his homelands at the Estrella War.  He had been in contact with
one of his old friends from home and she was also upset by the fact she
could not make it as well.  He proposed she come with him to the Gulf Wars
later in the year.  With some looking around, she gathered a small band of
travelers, fighters, fencers, and lovers, and arrangements were made for a
rendezvous with Bjorn in his new home.  The months passed by, and war came
closer and closer.  The Estrella War was fought, and more and more
preparations were made for the Gulf Wars.  Bjorn's heart was stung by the
news of the death of Grimm, his brother.  Grimm owned the steed his friends
were to use to travel to Bjorn's new home; so with Grimm's death, that left
three good people stranded and unable to reach Gulf Wars.  This upset Bjorn
greatly.  The week of rest from mundane duties approached, and Bjorn decided
he wanted to stare into the face of death before going to war, so he boarded
a strange covered longship with no sails and departed for the steep
mountainsides of TO-HELL-U-RIDE where he could strap boards of an odd
material to his feet and fling himself down hillsides at speeds faster than
even Loki would try.   After three days of careening down the steep slopes
of this mystical place, Bjorn thought he was invincible.  And it was time
for war.
    Bjorn boarded yet another strange covered longship with no sails and it
speedily took him to "the mile high village", which to Bjorn sounded more
like a stopover to Valhalla than a stopover to home.  Apparently the captain
of the next ship Bjorn was to board was incompetent, for he was arriving
late.  "Either that or he must have had a wild party the night before,"
Bjorn mused, "Probably the latter."  While waiting for this new ship, Bjorn
found a strange altar with many runes in front of it.  Bjorn played with
this newfound object for quite some time and deciphered it could be used to
write letters to others.  He used this magical device to write some of his
friends back home.  Time passed so quickly that Bjorn had just enough time
to get to the pier where his ship was to depart.  While waiting to board
this new vessel, Bjorn noticed a member of the fairer sex waiting to board
as well.  Anyone who has met Bjorn can guess what was to happen next.  No,
he did not get slapped for making a rude comment about her body.  He
actually engaged in a nice conversation with her.  Unfortunately for Bjorn,
she was sitting on row 5, and he was on row 14.  That would present
problems.  After the ship had been boarded and had set sail(again with no
sails at all) Bjorn realized the opportunity at hand.  ROW 5 WAS VACANT!
except for the lass whom he had just met, but still had yet to get her name.
Or her three sizes for that matter.  Bjorn "carpe diem'd" and quickly moved
to row 5.
    Greeted by a "What's up?", Bjorn casually sat down and explained that
row 14 was kinda lonely.  The voyage passed quickly as Bjorn and his
newfound companion Michelle discussed such matters as school, home, and
parties.  Before Bjorn left to return to row 14, he got her email address.
Bjorn was happy.  So happy in fact the he decided to stay in row 5 until the
end of the trip.  As the longship was being steered to port, Bjorn lept up
from his seat and stormed to row 14 in hopes that no one official would see
him.  This was to no avail, and he was verbally reprimanded by a voice that
boomed as loud as Odin.  "Please stay seated until we are completely
stopped!!"  Bjorn didn't know who uttered those words, but he didn't much
care either.  Bjorn felt like a rebel, and once again he was happy.
    After getting off the longship, Bjorn met up with Honour DuBois, who was
going to travel with him to Gulf Wars.  Once the longship's crew had
unloaded Bjorn's belongings, Honour directed him to her trusty steed and
they left.  Earlier, Honour had made a stop to pick up Fearghus's bow, and
she told Bjorn she had to pick up some tights for Caelin as well.  They did,
and continued on to a seamstress's mansion to pick up some baldrics Bjorn
had commissioned a week earlier.  At the Mansion, no one was about, except
the seamstress's young daughter and son.  Bjorn kindly asked them to go get
the baldrics.  He was answered with "they're not finished.  you said next
week"  After arguing with the young girl for quite some time, Bjorn decided
it was hopeless and left in anger and dissapointment.
    "On to my longhouse(seems like everything norse is long doesn't it?)!"
Cried Bjorn!  Once there, Bjorn was overwhelmed with joy.  His steed had
been returned!  An hour and a half later, Bjorn's trusty steed was packed
and ready to go.  And off they were!
    Arriving on site 9 1/2 hours later, Bjorn and Honour quickly set up
their tents, as it looked as if it would rain.  Sure enough, rain it did,
but it stopped quickly and left plenty of time for partying.  Bjorn had to
make a run into town for a strange flammable liquid everyone seemed to want,
so he departed soon after the evening meal was finished.  This trip was to
no avail, as all the stores Bjorn went to did not have any of this important
liquid.  Bjorn returned to camp empty-handed, but ready to party.
    Bjorn found one of his Arthurian bretheren, Sluggy, and they tromped off
to the middle eastern camp in search of fun.  On the way, it was decided
that an outhouse run was in order before partying commenced.  Passing the
middle eastern camp, Bjorn stopped dead in his tracks.  He had caught a
glimpse of a magnificent belly dancer and was mesmerized.  So much, in fact,
that it took Sluggy grabbing him and saying "Bjorn!" to break his trance.
After a few more intoxicating gazes, Bjorn headed off with his companions.
Bjorn declared that he must meet the dancer before the event was over.
    Upon returning to the middle eastern camp, Bjorn was once again
entranced by this dancer.  Bjorn decided the time was not right, and held
off introducing himself for the time being.  Several drinks later, he was
ready to make his move.  Unfortunately, the dancer was departing just as
Bjorn was going to introduce himself, and he decided that running to catch
her would be bad, so he held back yet again.  Much drumming ensued till all
hours, when it was decided that sleep was a good idea.
    Thursday morning came, and Bjorn readied himself for war.  Today was the
Resurrection(how's that go Llew?) battle, and the Ansteorran star was to
shine.  Picking up no less than 12 kills himself, probably more, Bjorn and
the Arthurians led Ansteorra to victory.  During the final 20 minutes, 12
Ansteorrans(including Bjorn, another Arthurian Llew, and a member of the
Iron Lance) held up 25-30 Trimarians for quite some time.  By the end of the
battle, 7 of those Ansteorrans still stood, and held the middle flag against
a rush of 35-40 Trimarians until the last seconds of the battle.  The battle
was declared a victory for Ansteorra, a first in many years.  The victory
celebration lasted for what seemed like hours, and Bjorn, Caelin, and their
Arthurian commander Airaklee all decided that "the trees look good from
here".  Later Bjorn was to hear of the exploits of Marmaduke the Great Tree
Killer, and was happy to know that Arthurians can find even the most well
hidden Meridian spies.
    That night was the night of the Kamikaze, but things needed to be taken
care of first.  Bjorn once again went into town searching for that strange
flammable liquid.  This time he was more successful and found it, along with
provisions for the next day's lunch.  Bjorn returned to camp and used this
newfound liquid to start up a few devices known as "tiki torches".  There
was light, it was good.  Now it was time to clean up, and then party.
Padraig, a fellow Arthurian, offered his shower in his motel room to Bjorn,
and it was graciously accepted.  After cleaning a good amount of "gick" from
his body, Bjorn took his steed back to camp and wandered with Lord Wiley to
the lands of the Kamikaze.  At the party, Bjorn was once again enthralled by
a belly dancer, however, it appeared as though this one was not the same
dancer who had enchanted him the night before.(In the future, Bjorn would
learn that she was the same, but was disguised in different garb).  Bjorn
found his Arthurian cohort Armand very loose, and the expert archer Fearghus
tremendously pleased.  He also met up with "Sheik Sluggeek" and partied with
him for awhile.  Bjorn left this party early, noting that "there was killing
to be done in the morning."
    Friday arrived, and Bjorn learned of how the Kamikaze had affected
Fearghus.  That tale is as humiliating as it is hilarious.  So much that it
need not be told here.  Nah, what the heck.  Apparently Fearghus passed out
on his personal steed, "scooter".  Full details can be attained from Armand.
Bjorn armored himself and prepared for combat.  Today two great battles
would be fought upon the open field, and the Arthurians were sure to see a
lot of action.  In the first, the Arthurians were spread out thin at the
center of Ansteorra's line, as most of Ansteorra was flanking.  15
Arthurians and one member of the Liondragon Guard were spread across 20
yards of field as Trimaris rushed our line.  60 men or more came thundering
upon us, intent on one thing: our deaths.  The shieldwall training we had
received did us well, and those 16 men and women held the Trimarian advance
for nearly 30 seconds, giving little ground.  We were finally overwhelmed,
but we had done our jobs, for as we were exiting the field, we saw the
imminent demise of the Trimarian army.  When everything was said and done,
OVER HALF of the Ansteorran army stood upon the field, and not one Trimarian
was alive.  The Arthurians learned that we had stopped the main charge of
the Trimarian army.  The grin on our Commander's face stretched from ear to
ear, and as the day progressed, it would only get larger.  The next field
battle saw the Arthurians at the middle of the army behind the main line.
As the battle started we quickly slid left to support that flank.  The
Trimarians sent their main attack our position.  Somehow it never seemed as
if we were being heavily attacked.  The command to advance was called, and
so we did.  We advanced until we could advance no more, slaying Trimarians
left and right as we strode along.  A hold was called and we were forced to
move back 20 yards.  The trimarians were allowed to advance to their
positions they held before the hold.  We had pushed the Trimarian line OFF
THE FIELD and in order for combat to continue, we had to move the line of
engagement away from the trees.  During the hold Bjorn noticed the lack of
enemy shields in front of the Arthurians.  As there were 3 Arthurians with
shields in front of him, Bjorn decided we shoudl show the Trimarians why
they don't want just polearms in a line.  Lay on was called and Bjorn gave
the order, "Advance to Engage!"  Once again, we advanced and did not stop,
the left of our line curling forwards.  We kept pushing the Trimarians back
down the field.  By now only a few Arthurians remained.  Sir Galen, Padriag,
and Bjorn reformed next to and behind a legged Sluggy.  After a moment
there, Sluggy took a spear to the side and we advanced again.  At this
point, Padriag was killed and that left Sir Galen and Bjorn as the only
Arthurians on the field(besides our archers).  We kept advancing, having
been reinforced by other Ansteorran units.  There were several times where
we had to stop and ask the unit in front of us if they were Ansteorran or
not.  Finally we found a pack of Trimarians and launched into the fray.
Bjorn was struck down by a spear, but not before taking two more with him.
Moments later the battle was over.  Ansteorra had easily won.  There was
much rejoicing.
    That night was Ansteorran Grand Court, and our king was quite happy with
Anstoerra's performance so far.  He called the Liondragon Guard, holders of
the King's War Ribbon, forward.  He told them that unfortunately he had to
take the banner away, for there was another unit that performed even better.
It was then that he presented them with the middle flag from the
resurrection battle, and they seemed pleased.  As they exited, the King
called forth the next recipients of the King's War Ribbon, given for
outstanding service as a trained unit at the Gulf War.  He called forth THE
ARTHURIAN COMPANY!!!!!!!!  As much as two years of training had paid off.
The blood, sweat, and tears of training were rewarded.  Later in court,
Centurian Romanius was Knighted!  If anyone had doubts of his worthiness,
they were put to rest by his performance in the champions battle earlier
that day.  Timothy of Glastonbury can tell you all about that one.  After
court, it was time to celebrate our victories.  A bardic circle was started
in our camp, and Bjorn and Llew were delighted to hear "Barnacle Bill the
Sailor"(the lyrics will not be said before midnight).  Some time later,
Bjorn and Sheik Sluggeek decided to wander to the middle eastern camp.
Before entering the camp, we stopped across the way at another party.  From
this camp, Bjorn peered into the middle eastern camp and spied the dancer
who had enthralled him two nights earlier.  Bjorn left the others and
wandered on his own to clear his head.  Memories of past events were flowing
through his head, and he was getting a headache.  Bjorn's journey took him
through the Trimarian and Meridian encampments.  Things were rather quiet,
much different than Ansteorra's camp.  Bjorn was still in an odd mood, his
mind still cluttered, but he decided to return to the middle eastern camp,
hoping to find the dancer still there.  Bjorn's luck held, she was there.
Bjorn held back for a bit, waiting for the right time.  It came when she
stepped away from the crowd for a moment.  Bjorn was not a master of fromage
pick up lines, and he felt the truth would be the best choice here.  Bjorn
strode up to her and simply told her that she was one of the most beautiful
dancers he had ever seen.  The dancer seemed pleased by this, and they
struck up a conversation.  She told him she was going to Rolling Thunder's
encampment and asked if he would like to come along.  Of course Bjorn
agreed(was there a reason not to?).  On the way she told him her name was
Katrina, and she was from Northkeep.  Bjorn also found out that she was
camped across the road from him(which he had suspected for a day or so).  By
the time they reached the Thunder party, it was getting late and Bjorn knew
he would have to leave soon, lest be a wreck in the battles the next
morning.  After watching Katrina dance for a while, he excused himself and
told her he hoped to see her tomorrow.
    Saturday morning came, and Bjorn awoke ready for battle.  He armored up
and began getting "psyched" up.  Katrina was armoring up(yes, she fights!)
and Bjorn went over to her camp and wished her luck  Katrina's uncle
remarked that Bjorn couldn't be loaded with any more weapons.  At this
point, Bjorn was carrying no less than one sword, one throwing axe, one
double crossbow, and two glaives.  Airaklee walked past Bjorn, reminding him
they were mustering on the field shortly.  Bjorn excused himself and marched
off to the field, following in his commander's footsteps.  Ansteorra was
defending the castle in the first battle.  The plan was to charge out of the
castle when lay on was called in an attempt to kill archers and seige
engines.  The Arthurians were the 5th unit out the door.  By the time we had
sallied, the Trimarians had figured out what was going on and engaged us
before we could get into the open field.  We were forced up against the wall
and were in for a hard fight with terrible odds.  We pushed them back a bit,
then they hit us hard.  Bjorn and a few other Arthurians regrouped with some
Seawinds troops and tried to hit their line again.  We were driven back into
the wall by the trimarians superior numbers and a hold was called to clear
the dead.  Those of us who survived decided to try a suicide charge into
thier line.  We would die, but we would die gloriously.  We hit them and
knocked them back a few feet, but we were overwhelmed and were killed.  Upon
reviewing what had happened in that battle, we learned that our original
plan DID work and many Ansteorrans cleared the fort and took out most of
their artillery.  The Arthurians held up the Trimarians long enough for the
plan to succeed.  All their attention was on us, and that's exactly what
needed to happen.  During the battel, Bjorn's right Gauntlet and Left knee
armor fell apart and had to be fixed before the second battle.  After some
quick repairs, he was back on the field.
    In the second battle, Ansteorra was assaulting the castle.  Our unit was
to charge over the right wall on ramps.  Lay on was called and fighing
commenced.  A few minutes later the ramps were deployed and the Arthurians
moved into position.  Airaklee ordered us over the wall.  With Marmaduke in
the lead, we stormed up the ramp.  As Bjorn approached the top of the ramp a
hold was called.  Bjorn wasn't sure if it was actually a hold, since he
still saw fighting going on, so he jumped off the ramp into the castle.
Several of the Trimarian fighters told him to get out of the castle, he
jumped after hold had been called.  This was fine with Bjorn, he'd rather
get another shieldwall to jump behind than go in as he did.  The hold went
on for a long time.  The Arthurians learned that Marmaduke had hurt his
ankle when he landed on the Trimarian line.  Later we learned that he didn't
want to leave combat because he wasn't dead, he had just fallen over.  Lay
on was called and once again the Arthurians charged up the ramp.  First
there was Padriag, then there was Bear, followed by Caelin, then Bjorn, Sir
Galen, Daniel, Armand, and Airaklee.  The frontrunners in the line slowed up
at the top of the ramp causing Bjorn to bump into Caelin.  Bjorn thought
"this is not good"  and began yelling "WHY DID WE STOP!!  GO OVER!!!!  GO
OVER!!!!"  With each "GO OVER!!" he pushed Caelin up the ramp a little
father.  Finally The three Arthurians in front were over and Bjorn felt a
surge of adrenaline fill his body.  Taking one powerful step, Bjorn
valiantly thundered into the castle.  In mid flight he realized he was
jumping OVER his line.  This was not good, but he couldn't stop it now.  At
the apex of his leap, Bjorn swung his glaive down into an unsuspecting
Trimarian with a resounding "AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH"  The shot connected with
the side of the Trimarian's helm as Bjorn came crashing down into the
Trimarian line.  The line was pushed back a couple of feet, but Bjorn lost
his balance and slipped on to his back.  From this position he could only
make shots with the buttspike on his glaive, his backup sword being pinned
beneath him.  Bjorn made a couple of shots before the defender in front of
him asked, "are you dead m'lord"  Bjorn replied, "I AM ALIVE!"  The defender
then proceeded to try to pummel Bjorn with a hammer.  Bjorn was blocking
shots left and right saying, "I DON'T think so!"  Bjorn felt something hit
the side of his helm(not from someone in view) and he was knocked off
balance and rolled on his side.  The defender in front of him said, "NO
M'LORD YOU ARE NOT DEAD"  Bjorn's puzzled answer was, "huh?"  The defender
said, "There is no killing on the ground in my kingdom, YOU ARE STILL ALIVE"
Apparently Bjorn had taken a shot to his side when he was down.  the
defender allowed bjorn to scoot back and sit up before resuming his attack.
Now multiple defenders were concentrating on Bjorn.  About 12 blocks(and one
kill) later, another defender finally struck Bjorn, and he fell.  Later
Bjorn was to learn that the next three Arthurians had been picked off at the
top of the ramp and never made it into the castle.  He was the only one in
there for quite a long time.  The second battle did not go well for
Ansteorra, and try as we might, we could not take the castle.  Afte the
battle was over, Bjorn met up with Katrina and helped her gather Ballista
bolts.  The day was ended with many of us planning for next year.
    That night Bjorn was given a "futon frame" from the Baroness of the
Zipper Dudes!  She was given instructions to leave it there so she gave it
to the first person who wanted it.  In return, Bjorn helped her take down
her pavillion.  It was the least he could do, after all.  Bjorn also traded
mundane contact information with Katrina.  Later, Bjorn took his "trusty"
steed up to camp and started loading it.  When that was almost finished, he
moved it to the side of camp, so others could load their steeds easier.  The
war had taken it's toll on Bjorn and he went to sleep early in the BFVT.
 Sunday morning came, and Bjorn loaded the rest of his and Honour's things
into his steed.  Bjorn helped a few others pack up their belongings, then he
decided it was time to go home.  His "trusty" steed had different plans,
however.  The steed loved the site so much that it refused to move an inch,
no matter how hard Bjorn or several others tried.  After staring stupidly at
the engine for quite some time, Bjorn decided a "tow bar" was needed to make
this happen.  Kat volunteered her Steed to tow Bjorn's stubborn steed home.
Several phone calls later, Bjorn had found an "auto transport" chariot at a
place called "uhaul" so they headed there.  Unfortunately the hitch on Kat's
steed was too low to mount the AT chariot.  This presented big problems in
that now Bjorn would have to leave his steed behind, if he wanted to get
home by the next morning.  The essential items were taken out of Bjorn's
steed, and finally He, Kat, Beverly, and Honour left.
    They arrived at Bjorn's longhouse around 4:30am Monday morning.  Upon
gathering his things, Bjorn realized that his wallet was MISSING!  What an
appropriate ending to a screwed up day!  Kat told him she would look for it
when she was unpacking her steed.  That was going to have to do for Bjorn.
    Over the course of the next few days several things happened.  Bjorn
found a "vet" for his steed and had it towed there, the wallet was recovered
in Kat's steed, and  Bjorn had a long conversation with Katrina using a
magical tool called a "phone."  As I write this, the mechanics still have
not found out what is wrong with Bjorn's steed, he hasn't picked up his
wallet yet, and he can't wait for Memorial day weekend to roll around.

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