[Loch-ruadh] Pun-ishment

[Jane Sitton]

Okay, is this bad joke day, or what?  I know I need to be pun-ished for
these:


Puns intended


1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two
    dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at them and
    says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed
    per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of
    Holsteins into low earth orbit?  They called it the
    herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went
    to Hollywood and became a famous actor.  The other stayed
    behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
    The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
    two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when
    they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once
    again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
    West.  He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
    looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
    during a root canal?  He wanted to transcend dental
    medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
    were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
    tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager
    came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he
    said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
    foyer."

8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
    "Amal."  The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
    him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of
    himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the
    picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
    had a picture of Amal.  Her husband responds, "They're
    twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
    they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
    Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God,
    a rival florist across town thought the competition
    was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but
    they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to
    close.  They ignored him.  So, the rival florist hired
    Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
    in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the
    friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if
    they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so,
    thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
    florist friars.

10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different
     puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the
     puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun
     in ten did.


Madelina, waiting for the beatings to commence.