[Loch-ruadh] Humor----Viking Brewing Methods!!!!!!!!!!

[STEVE K ROURKE]

Came across this on the Rialto, and had to pass this one along.



The Makynge of Elderflower Hocke - The Viking Methode.

By Pieter Van Wynken

First, assault Lindesfarne, pillage it and, just before burning, take
4-5 sprays of the finest elderflowers (or 10 grams of the dried ones)
from the best tree in the monastery.

Second, at the height of the honey season fight your way to the Massif
Central (burning Paris to distract your pursuers) and return with a
kilogram of the finest clover honey.

Thirdly, sack Cordoba and bring back three of their finest lemons and
200 grams of dried sultanas.

Fourthly, visit an alchemist in Jerusalem (your local brew shop will
do), extract a pinch of grape tannin from him, put him to  the sword
and burn Jerusalem to the ground so that none may divine the secret of
this mighty brew.

Fifthly, pillage Milan and take the finest goblets available (it
avails you nought to drink without good company)

Sixthly, sack Rome, have the nobles driven before you and select the
finest five to be cupbearers. Of these 'blood-eagle' three in training
to be an example to remaining two. Neuter the remaining two so they
will not be a temptation to the women folk.

Seventhly, return home and have your serfs do the following:

a) trim the flowers, discarding the stems
b) boil the honey, 4 litres of water and macerated sultanas
together for twenty minutes
c) put the flowers, chopped lemon rind (no pith) and pinch of
tannin into a 4.5 litre demijohn
d) add the boiled liquid, top up with water
e) let it cool
f) add the lemon juice (nutrient and white wine yeast also)
g) let it ferment for six days
h) on the seventh day strain out the debris, top up with a little
water
i) let it ferment out
j) bottle it and age it six months


Penultimately, pass the cup of wine to your taster (one of the two
nobles) in case it's poisoned (for some reason this happens a lot).
Scold the immaculately mannered cupbearer for his lack of Viking
culture.

Finally, drink your elderflower hock in good company and discuss the
deplorable state of affairs in other countries.