[Loch-ruadh] Completely OT But very wierd!!!

[STEVE K ROURKE]

TOKYO (AP) - The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of  a three
way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take
karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer
Corporation.

 Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and
is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job.
The bar is counter suing for defamation
and loss of customers. The Asaka Beer Corporation brews "Suiso"  brand beer,
where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has  been replaced by the
more environmentally friendly HYDROGEN GAS!

 A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke
sing-along bars and discotheques. Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas
lighter than air. Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air,  sound
waves are transmitted more rapidly;individuals whose lungs  are filled with
the nontoxic gas can speak with an  uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along  machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.

The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even
though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate  marketing
ploy. It has inspired a new fashion of blowing  Flames from one's mouth
using a cigarette as an ignition source.

Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.

"Mr Otoma has no-one to blame but himself.If he had not become drunk and
disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security guards undergo
the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with
customers" said Mr Takashi  Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take Bar.

"Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames
he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across  the
room that Gojira  (Gonzillia) would be proud of, but this was not enough to
win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames
and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he
was badly out of tune."

"He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of Mrs. Mifune's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and
lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby
customers. None of these people have returned to my bar.

When our security staff approached he turned his attentions to them, making
it almost impossible to approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to
hurl himself at Mr Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."

"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault he
had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is
own fault he swallowed that cigarette."

"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal
combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his
esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding
gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss
of employment are his own fault." Mr

Otoma was unavailable for comment.