[Loch-ruadh] Good One

[blakrose]

I must herewith admit that i am a literature abuser...............at least im in
good company...........; )


STEVE K ROURKE wrote:

> My apologies but this was too good not to pass along. I came across it on
> one of the many NGs I subscribe too.
>
> DO YOU SUFFER FROM LITERATURE ABUSE?  TAKE THIS TEST AND FIND OUT!  How many
> of these apply to you?
>
>  1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
>  2. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or more in a day.
>  3. I read rapidly, often 'gulping' chapters.
>  4. I have sometimes read early in the morning or before work.
>  5. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a chapter without being
> seen.
>  6. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
>  7. Sometimes I re-write film or television dialog as the characters speak.
>  8. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
>  9. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
> 10. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise
> avoid.
> 11. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have
> finished a novel.
> 12. I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
> 13. I have attempted to check out more library books than permitted.
> 14. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
> 15. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy reading.
> 16. I have suffered 'blackouts' or memory loss from a bout of reading.
> 17. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I read.
> 18. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
> 19. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.
>
>  If you answered 'yes' to four or more of these questions, you may be a
> literature abuser. Affirmative responses to seven or more indicates a
> serious
> problem. Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse, or LA, has risen
> to new levels due to the accessibility of higher education and increased
> college enrollment since the end of the Second World War. The number of
> literature abusers is currently at record levels.
>
> SOCIAL COSTS OF LITERARY ABUSE
> Abusers become withdrawn, uninterested in society or normal relationships.
> They fantasize, creating alternative worlds to occupy, to the neglect of
> friends and family. In severe cases they develop bad posture from reading in
> awkward positions or carrying heavy book bags. In the worst instances, they
> become cranky reference librarians in small towns. Excessive reading during
> pregnancy is perhaps the number one cause of moral deformity among the
> children of English professors, teachers of English and creative writing.
> Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, this disease also leaves its victims prone
> to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming and emotional instability.
>
> HEREDITY
> Recent Harvard studies have established that heredity plays a considerable
> role in determining whether a person will become an abuser of literature.
> Most abusers have at least one parent who abused literature, often beginning
> at an early age and progressing into adulthood. Many spouses of an abuser
> become abusers themselves.
> OTHER PREDISPOSING FACTORS
> Fathers or mothers who are English teachers, professors, or heavy fiction
> readers; parents who do not encourage children to play games, participate in
> healthy sports, or watch television in the evening.
>
> PREVENTION
> Pre-marital screening and counseling, referral to adoption agencies in order
> to break the chain of abuse. English teachers in particular should seek
> partners active in other fields. Children should be encouraged to seek
> physical activity and to avoid isolation and morbid introspection.
>
> DECLINE AND FALL: THE ENGLISH MAJOR
> Within the sordid world of literature abuse, the lowest circle belongs to
> those sufferers who have thrown their lives and hopes away to study
> literature in our colleges. Parents should look for signs that their
> children
> are taking the wrong path--don't expect your teenager to approach you and
> say, "I can't stop reading Spenser." By the time you visit her dorm room and
> find the secret stash of the Paris Review, it may already be too late. What
> to do if you suspect your child is becoming an English major - below are
> notes that one family used when they discovered their daughter was becoming
> a
> Literature Abuser:
>
> 1. Talk to your child in a loving way. Show your concern. Let her know you
> won't abandon her--but that you aren't spending a hundred grand to put her
> through Stanford so she can clerk at Waldenbooks, either. But remember that
> she may not be able to make a decision without help; perhaps she has just
> finished Madame Bovary and is dying of arsenic poisoning.
>
> 2. Face the issue: Tell her what you know, and how: "I found this book in
> your purse. How long has this been going on?" Ask the hard question--Who is
> this Count Vronsky?
>
> 3. Show her another way. Move the television set into her room. Introduce
> her
> to frat boys.
>
> 4. Do what you have to do. Tear up her library card. Make her stop signing
> her letters as 'Emma.' Force her to take a math class, or minor in Spanish.
> Transfer her to a Florida college. You may be dealing with a
> life-threatening
> problem if one or more of the following applies:
>
>  * She can tell you how and when Thomas Chatterton died.
>  * She names one or more of her cats after a Romantic poet.
>  * Next to her bed is a picture of: Lord Byron, Virginia Woolf, Faulkner.
>
>  Most important, remember, you are not alone. To seek help for yourself or
> someone you love, contact the nearest chapter of the American Literature
> Abuse Society, or look under ALAS in your telephone directory.
>
> _______________________________________________
> Loch-ruadh mailing list
> Loch-ruadh at ansteorra.org
> http://www.ansteorra.org/mailman/listinfo/loch-ruadh