[Loch-Ruadh] Fwd: FW: Damn, It's Good to Be a Man! (CAUTION; DO NOT FORWARD TO WOME N N ON VD DAY!)

[Tim Cantley]

Got this from a buddy of mine at work :)

Sean





 > TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE...
 > FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH
 >
 > Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
 > We need it up, you need it down.
 > You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
 > ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
 > If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
 > act like soap opera guys.
 > If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
 > answer.
 > Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
 > find the perfect present yet again!
 > If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
 > don't want to hear.
 > Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
 > Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
 > such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
 > trucks.
 > Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let
 > it be.
 > Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
 > way.
 > When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
 > Really.
 > You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
 > Crying is blackmail.
 > Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
 > work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say
 > it!
 > No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
the
 > calendar.
 > Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
 > Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good
 > at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
 > Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
 > Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we
 > do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
 > A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
 > Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
 > war flick where it doesn't really matter what the $%#% they're saying
 > anyway.)
 > Check your oil.
 > It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
 > No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
 > Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments
 > become null and void after 7 days.
 > If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
 > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
 > Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
 > You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something,
but
 > not both.
 > Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
 > If it itches, it will be scratched.
 > Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
 > If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's
 > wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
 > Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
 > tonight, but, did you know I really don't mind, it's like camping.
 >
 >
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 > ~~
 > Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!
 > Your last name stays put.
 > The garage is all yours.
 > Wedding plans take care of themselves.
 > Chocolate is just another snack.
 > You can be President.
 > You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
 > Car mechanics tell you the truth.
 > You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
 > The world is your urinal.
 > You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too
 > "yucky".
 > Same work... more pay.
 > Wrinkles add character.
 > Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
 > People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 > The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
 > New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
 > Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
 > different?"
 > One mood, ALL the damn time.
 > Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
 > A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
 > You can open all your own jars.
 > Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
 > You can leave the motel bed unmade.
 > You can kill your own food.
 > You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
 > If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your
 > friend.
 > Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
 > If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
 > Everything on your face stays its original color.
 > Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
 > You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
 > You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without  thinking:"He
 > must be mad at me."
 > You don't mooch off other's desserts.
 > You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
 > You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
 > You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
 > You almost never have strap problems in public.
 > You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
 > The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (HURRAY!!)
 > You don't have to shave below your neck.
 > Your belly usually hides your big hips.
 > One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
 > You have freedom of choice concerning growing hair on your face.
 > You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45
 > minutes.
 > Damn, it's Good to be a Man!!!
 >


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