[Loch-Ruadh] Fw: Positions Vacant

[Steve K. Rourke]

Shamelessly forwarded from another list I belong to.

Domhnall

Anyone interested in these?

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Arming Squire
Want to be a cool knight in shining armour? Wearing all that bling 
makes you a guaranteed princess magnet. Here's an opportunity to get 
started in the career of a lifetime (which may be short if combat is 
encountered). 

Welcome to the world of the arming squire. You will serve a five-
year apprenticeship between the ages of 13 and 18. When qualified, 
you must be willing to run, unprotected, into combat to replace 
broken armour on your knight. After the battle, all the mud- and 
blood-coated and excreta-filled armour is stripped off and your 
boss - if he has survived - goes off to party. Meanwhile you are 
expected to flush out the suit and scour it with sand, vinegar and 
urine so that it's nice and shiny for the next day's action. 
Promotion is available for promising candidates.
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Fuller
The 13th century is boom time for the wool trade. With three sheep 
to every man, woman and child, wool is our biggest export. But 
nobody likes stiff and itchy cloth that falls to pieces, so we have 
several openings for fullers.

As a fuller, you are expected to walk up and down all day in huge 
vats of stinking stale urine. The ammonia produced by the rotten wee 
may make your eyes water, but it creates the softest cloth by 
drawing out the grease (lanolin) from the wool. If you can dance up 
to your knees in urine for around two hours per length of cloth, 
you'll succeed in closing the fibres of the wool and interlocking 
them to produce cloth that is kind to the skin. You will be doing 
your part, along with the weavers, dyers and merchants, in making it 
a world-beating export. 

You may stink and regularly have to fight back the urge to throw up, 
but you are guaranteed very clean toenails
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Treadmill Worker
With so much work in the building trade, you know that this is the 
career for you. A vacancy has arrived following the tragic collapse 
of the crane at your local cathedral. Now a new one has been made, 
taking all the design faults of the original into account. 

To operate this latest technological marvel, you'll be expected to 
walk the treadmill to provide the power for lifting blocks of stone 
weighing up to two tons. Preference will be given to the blind - 
they have proved great treadmill walkers in the past due to their 
lack of fear of heights.
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The job descriptions may not be terribly PC, but what in the middle 
ages was. Best of luck if you apply.




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