[Loch-Ruadh] Telling someone that what they are doing is notperiod

Alric and Fiona sidhe01 at swbell.net
Thu Sep 14 15:12:57 PDT 2006

Very well stated, Lord Terrence!  Vivat!

Lady Fiona inghean ui Mheadhra

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Terry Sikes" <tdsikes at prodigy.net>
To: "Shire of Loch Ruadh, Kingdom of Ansteorra, SCA, Inc." 
<loch-ruadh at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 11:25 PM
Subject: Re: [Loch-Ruadh] Telling someone that what they are doing is 

> Terrence, an armiger of no great rank does send greetings to her Grace 
> Duchess Willow,
>  Your Grace can add myself to her estimation of those she has helped with 
> her guidance and advice in the past and I found her Graces' approach both 
> appropriate and well placed in every case.
>  Not so long past having been a beginner myself, I feel that I might have 
> somewhat to add to the discussion.
>  In the first place, I have been told by management, human resources 
> personnel, teachers, and others of like experience that criticism weighs a 
> good deal heavier on the ear than does compliment.  For that reason it is 
> a common recommendation to first give two compliments before giving one 
> criticism.  This keeps a person from having their self-image totally 
> deflated and lets them know they are at least doing something right.
>  Also, if approaching a new person, it might help if the person knows who 
> you are and what qualifications you have, so if you have not met them, 
> please introduce yourself and tell them what kind of things you have done. 
> I think that some people in the society may forget that new people may not 
> know which coronet is which or what award is what and may not know that a 
> particular piece of advice is coming from someone who has studied the 
> subject.
>  Lastly, make sure the person knows you are not trying to ostracize them, 
> instead you are trying to be their friend.  Take them by the arm.  Tell 
> them how happy you are to have them here and participating.  Tell them how 
> much you enjoy working to recreate period and that you love seeing them 
> doing the same.
>  One of the things that constantly amazes me is how many extremely 
> intelligent and talented people we have in this society.  In any regular 
> group of people these people have been the "go to" people, the people who 
> are looked up to, the people with the know-how and ability.  In the 
> society with so many intelligent people, the group dynamics change and the 
> way people deal with each other has to change by huge amounts or feelings 
> get hurt.  I, for one, am glad to be able to associate with such people.
>  Yours,
>  Terrence adte Syke
>  "willowjonbardc at juno.com" <willowjonbardc at juno.com> wrote:
>  Greetings everyone
> I have a special request of you. How can we tell people that what they
> are doing is not correct? That it is not period, but at the same time
> not make them feel bad. Many newer people are telling me that they are
> living in fear because they think their costumes, art, performances or
> behavor are going to be criticized and they are going to be told that
> they are not in period.
> Now as a citizen of the SCA I feel it is my duty to inform people
> that their work may be better if they would stay in period. I have
> tried to tell them in a nice way. I have failed many times. Sometimes
> I am too soft. There was the young lady who was planning on beading a
> piece of polyester double knit. I warned her that taking that much
> time on double knit meant it would not get the best scores at the A&S
> competitions. She said she liked the design and she didn't plan on
> entering A&S. Of course 3 years later she did enter it and got points
> knocked because it was double Knit. She left the SCA over it. I failed
> with my own husband. I told him his work was not period and he is
> still mad at me. Sometimes I have helped people. There was a lady who
> in the everyday world won many awards for her needlework, but she was
> getting nowhere in SCA. I suggested she change her designs to
> something period and she received many awards for her work. When I
> told her that her designs were wrong she cried, but a year later when
> she got her Thistle she hugged me.
> We need to tell people the rules of the game, but we need to do it in
> a nice way. Does anyone remember a time when someone set you on the
> right path and did in a way that made you feel good? I would like to
> hear about their techniques. Courtesy is one of the pillars of the
> magic that is Ansteorra. We are smart people. We need to figure out
> how to tell people things without hurting their feelings.
> Duchess Willow de Wisp
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