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<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with
"Guess" on it <BR>So I said "Implants?" She hit me.<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Wouldn't you know it...<BR>Brain cells come
and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">When I was young we used to go "skinny
dipping," now I just <STRONG>"chunky dunk."</STRONG><o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><STRONG>Life is like a roll of
toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.</STRONG><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">I signed up for an exercise class and was
told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
wouldn't have signed up in the first place!<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.</B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><o:p></o:p></B> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Why do I have to swear on the Bible in
court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal
building?<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Why is it that our children can't read a
Bible in school, but they can in prison?<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed
up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN,
AMEN !!<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> </B></P><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Marriages are made in Heaven-but so are
thunder and lighting.<o:p></o:p></B></P><o:p></o:p></B>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"></B> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">How come we choose from just two people to
run for president and 50 for Miss <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:country-region
w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region>?<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Don't argue with an idiot; people watching
may not be able to tell the difference.<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">A good friend will come and bail you out of
jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was
fun!"<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bumper sticker of the year: <BR>"If you can
read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier
!!"<o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B
style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"> <o:p></o:p></B></P></DIV></BODY></HTML>