[Namron] Old engish-wannabbee jokes : Interpreted

[Lord Pooky]

*Snip
Ummm, can someone translate?  I still haven't figured out how to read Old
English very well and it would take me all morning to get through this 
message.
*

When I type like these jokes were written I am told I give people headaches. 
I'll try to interpret.

I can not confirm the value of interpreting this. Other then to see if I can 
do it. Here we go:

	>GALFRIDUS CHAUCERES LYNES OF PICKE-VPPE:

Galfidus Chaucer is a persons name who has pick up lines. (words to get 
girls)
	>
	>-Do sheriffs administere thee to those who breke the kinges peace? Bycause
	>thou lookst "fyne."

Do police give you tickets? Because you look 'fine'. (Joke being, fyne is a 
pun.)
	>
	>-Yf thou were a latyn tretise ich wolde putte thee in the vernacular.

It you were a latin story, you would natrurally be on the tongue.
	>
	>-Ich do deuote myn diligence to studye of the anatomie of engendrure.

I try to study how to procreate.


	>Icjhe haue happed vpon an abstruse passage in the werke of Constantyne the
	>Affrikan De Coitu, the which I kan nat construe.

I found an obscure passage in the writtings of Constantine the african of 
sex, which I can not figure out.


For lernynges sake and
	>the goode of wisdom, woldstow performe the acte of venus withe me so that
	>ich may interpret thys clause in propre wise?

So that I may learn what the obscure passage says, would you have sex with 
me? (Constantine's words not Pookie's)
	>
	>-Ich loved thy papere, but yt wolde looke much better yscattred across the
	>floore of myn rentede dorme roome at dawne.

The love letters would look much better scattered across my dorm room's 
floor in the morning.
	>
	>-Art thou a disastrous poll tax? Bycause I feele a risynge comynge on.

Are personal taxes going up? Because I feel something rising.
	>
	>-Nyce bootes. Wanna swyve?

I like your stars (boosoms). Would you like to have sex? (Again Constantin's 
words)
	>
	>-Thou lookst so mvch lyk an aungel that the friares haue lefte the roome
	>yn terror!

You look so much like an angel holy men left the room in fear!
	>
	>-Shulle we maken the cindreblokke to synge?

Shall we make the walls shake? (the wall is made of cinderblocks) 
(cinderblocks are 7" by
	>
	>-Woldstow haue me shyfte thyne voweles?

Do you want me to inspire you to make noise?
	>
	>-Were thou yn my seisin, ich wolde nevir escheat on thee.

If you were mine, I would never cheat on you.
	>
	>-Thy beaute ys more intoxicatyng than the OVP openne bar.

Your beauty is more intoxicating then the vice-presidents open bar. (MY best 
guess on OVP)
	>
	>-Yf thy beautee were an poeme, yt wolde make Dante looke lyk Marcabru.

(so far these have been wannabe complimentary lines to try to attract the 
attention of women, I'm not quite getting this one yet)

If your beauty were a poem, it would make Dante' look like Macabre.
If your beauty were a poem, it would make a stroy of a journey through hell 
apear as though it were a story of war and plague in the Middle Ages. 
(ummmm.. thank you?)
	>
	>-The preeste telleth me that we aren more than VII degrees of
	>consanguinitee. Game on!

( a book was written that says you can find anyone, by asking someone and 
they ask someone and if you do that six times you can find anyone in the 
world. With that in mind... )

The priest told me you are further from my family tree then can be found. 
Game on!

(MY Pooky goodness, how much more of this is there)


	>
	>-Ich notyce that myn demense and thyn do abutte. Wolde yt plese thee to
	>consolidate ovre powere-base in the midlands?

I notice my lands and yours are next to each other.  Would it please you 
join lands along the fence line?

I notice your my neighbor. Do you want to get married and live together?
	>
	>-Makstow a pilgrymage heere often?

Do you come here often? (Finally an easy one)


	>
	>-Let vs breake oure mornyng faste togedir tomorrowe. Shal ich sende a page
	>wyth a message for thee, or shal ich wake thee wyth an aubade composid ex
	>tempore?

Let's do breakfast. Should I send someone with a message, or should I wake 
you up by singing you a morning song, off the top of my head?
	>
	>-Ich coude drynke a yearlye tun of thee.

I could could drink a yearly ton of you.
I could consume you in your entirety.
	>
	>-Ys thy father a makere of walles? For how else dide he gyve thee svch a
	>tall and fayre forheed?

(Im a bit stuck on "walles" and this is pretty exhausting. So MY 
interpretation of that word might be off)

Does you father make veils? How else could he have given you such a tall and 
fair forehead?
	>
	>-Ich haue the tale of Lancelot yn myn roome. Woldstow rede of yt wyth me?


I have the tale of Lancelot in my room. Would you read it with me?
	>
	>--By my soule, thou art a verye mappe of helle. For thy face lyk the
	>rivere Styx wil make me swere oothes neuer to be fforsworn, and thy
	>embrace lyk the Lethe shal make me foryet al else, and lyk vnto the
	>Flegeton thyn arse ys ON FYRE!

(In Greek Mythology the River Styx is one of the 5 rivers in Hades=Hell. The 
river Styx is the river that souls have to be taken by boat to reach the 
other side. Lethe is the river of forgetfulness. Phlegethon is the river of 
fire)


I sware on MY life you are just like a map of hell.
Your face like the river Styx will make me sware oathes which would never be 
foresworn. / Your face like the river Styx will make me promise unbreakable 
promises, and a hug from you like the Lethe shall make me forget all else, 
and like the Phlegethon you have an attractive tushy!


	>-Woldstow be myn Gaveston?

(I don't know who Gaveston is)
	>
	>-Howe abovte a blancmange and the acte of Venus? Whatte, blancmange
	>pleseth thee nat?

How about a sweet flavored milk pudding and sex? Which flavor do you usually 
like?
	>
	>-If ich sayde that thou hadde a bele chose, woldstow holde it ayeinst me?

If I told you you were pretty, would you hold it against me?

I am sure there are more common pick up lines that match some of these 
interpretations. I'm at a loss on the river line.

These were MY best guesses,
Pook






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