[Namron] Changes to requirements for performances at the Norman Medieval Fair...

[Kimberly Cornelius]

Wow.  It's like Pookisms only less philosphical and more jurisprudential.

Yes that is a word.  I looked it up.

*sigh*  I needed a laugh.  :)

On 4/1/09, Robert Atwood <rob at mummersguild.com> wrote:
> I regret to inform you that apparently the Fantasy Actor's Guild has
> noticed our little fair in Namron, possibly due to the increased media
> coverage in the last couple of years.  As such, they have declared
> that given the number of new-age style merchants and the ready
> availability of fairy wings in myriad colors, the Norman Medieval Fair
> has been categorized as a fantasy event, and as such is under their
> auspices.
>
> What does that mean for us?  Unfortunately (especially for those who
> have taken the acting workshops given last month) that means that
> period speech (of any period) is banned, unless each speech makes
> mention of some element of fantasy.  Should performers at the fair
> wish to greet a lady, the phrase "Good morrow to you, milady" must
> instead be changed to include a fantasy element, such as "Lo, how the
> fairies do shine upon thee this morn, milady".
>
> Additionally, all names of performers must have a consonant preceding
> them with a gratuitous apostrophe, should the performer be portraying
> a noble.  For example, Lord Lorenzo must now be F'Lorenzo and Lady
> Antonia is now K'antonia.  Further, all garb that is considered "too
> period" will be required to be modified to include no less than 42
> square inches of sequins and/or black vinyl.  If garb is feminine, red
> vinyl may be substituted.
>
> There are a number of other rules and regulations which are available
> at the F.A.G. website.  Fortunately, unlike S.A.G., there is no
> requirement that you be a member before performing in the medieval
> fair.  Unfortunately, however, the Fantasy Actor's Guild takes
> enforcement of its policies seriously and will have "Compliance
> Officers" present to ensure they are carried out.  These compliance
> officers are described as having sullen blue eyes and a black square-
> cut mane and are recognizable by their chiseled musculature made
> visible by their naugahyde loincloths and faux fur cloaks, complete
> with elforyn skull-shaped shoulder pieces.  Should you be performing
> when one or more (they like to travel in pairs) of these compliance
> officers approaches, it is advisable to immediately break character
> and begin speaking (without appearing to notice them) in a deep
> southern accent with lots of "Y'all"s and "OK"s thrown in to make it
> clear you are not giving a period performance.  "Y'all oughta go have
> you some of them funnel cakes an' go ride them elephants over yonder,
> OK?" will probably throw them off the scent.
>
> The last person the Guild's compliance officers caught performing in a
> period manner was found a day later, boiled in his own figgy pudding
> with a coat-hanger and panty-hose fairy wing through his heart.
>
> Should anyone still wish to learn how to play (in period) with the
> crowds, I will be working with people off and on through the fair as I
> have time from my other duties, and will risk life and limb to help as
> many as I can... just keep your eyes peeled for those compliance
> officers...
>
> -Robert o' the Faire
>
> PS- I tried to send this with a small attachment (the Faire Thee Well
> phrase guide for performing at the fair).  However, since it didn't
> get through, please email me if you would like  a copy.

-- 
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