NR - Just a suggestion (was:Principality)

[Marc Carlson]

At 03:29 PM 9/5/00 +1100, Kat wrote:
>>...Thank you, I appreciate the courtesy.  I'm a little confused, 
>>though, at what in my post could have inspired anything less 
>>than civility.  

I think the problem is less your posting (although Merrik should feel 
more than welcome to correct me) than the fact that this is a subject
that's worth discussing, but it's also pretty much guaranteed to push
emotional buttons *someplace*.   It's been that way far longer than the
decade and a half that I've heard it being tossed about.

I don't care how nice and well meaning everyone is, at the best of times 
some people *will* misread what's been written while others will miswrite 
their meaning (or for the non-written part of the universe, mis-speak 
themselves).  This unfortunate truth is compounded many times when 
strongly held emotions are involved.

This being the case, may I make a small suggestion?  If you (whoever "you"
happen to be in this context) think that someone else has said something someone worth reacting strongly to - before responding publically -- write 
to them privately and ask "when you said such and such, I read this as
meaning blah-blah. Is that how you meant it?"  If they say yes, *then*  you
can tear them a new orifice (or whatever your response might be).  If not,
then they may want to clarify what they've said (or not).  By doing so privately,
you remove the pressure of the "Spotlight" from them, and limit the possibility that you're request for clarification will be taken for an aggressive pose.

Now, I know, as an experienced on-line arguer, sometimes we just can't think
that far ahead before we send a message -- but I think it's worth aiming for.

Marc/Diarmaid

============================================================================
Go to http://lists.ansteorra.org/lists.html to perform mailing list tasks.