[NR] Telling someone that what they are doing is not period

Marc Carlson marccarlson20 at hotmail.com
Wed Sep 13 08:32:36 PDT 2006


>From: "Jean Paul de Sens" <jeanpauldesens at gmail.com>
>I find the surest way to hurt someone's feelings is to offer un-asked for
>advice.  It's one thing when a person comes up to you and sez:
>
>"I thinking of doing X.  What do you think?"   You can then say "That 
>sounds
>cool!!! Have you thought of substituting Y instead of Z, as that is what
>they were more likely to do in your time frame."
>
>Sometimes we must just grit our teeth, and refrain from offering the advice
>when it wasn't asked for.  It's rough, and tough, especially when the word
>polyester or plastic comes up... :)

I have to agree.  Clearly there are some folks who need to be made aware 
that this or that thing is not accurate, but there is no way to do so 
proactively without being perceived as being a shmuck.  For this reason, I 
very rarely tell people any opinions on what they are wearing or doing 
regarding accuracy, unless it's to complement them on something that strikes 
me as particularly well done (and even then people have been known to get 
their backs up, assuming that it's not really a compliment, but rather 
sarcasm.  If people *ask* me though, they'll get the truth.

I have found that I am far more effective serving as an example of period 
attire (and at that, I still have my doubts that it has anything to do with 
me, but for the purposes of this email, I'll be arrogant enough to think 
that I have *some* effect).

In conversation, or on line, when people have asked for information, I have 
found it makes me feel less angst-ridden to just point out the more accurate 
option.  This has caused some distress with some folks because they feel 
that the accurate option is not open to them for whatever reason.  In that 
case, I will try to gently examine their reasoning rationally and see if 
there are not any misperceptions that can be corrected.

e.g. "I can not wear layers of linen and wool because it is hot" is a 
misperception.  "I cannot wear layers of linen and wool because it's 
expensive" *may* be a misperception.  "I cannot wear layers of linen and 
wool because I'm allergic to wool" is an obsticle that may be there 
permanently.

I will say also that it depends on how long the person has been in the 
Society, what their goals are, and such.  If they've only been in the 
Society for a few years and just want to fight and drink and don't give a 
crap about accuracy, then that's their business.  They are outside my areas, 
and I hope they keep having a good time.

Oh, one caveat to all this -- if someone asserts they are being authentic or 
accurate, and are not, then they will hear from me.  But that's a separate 
issue from the rest of this, and is a personal problem of mine.

Marc/Diarmaid





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