[NR] Telling someone that what they are doing is not period

[Jean Paul de Sens]

I find the surest way to hurt someone's feelings is to offer un-asked for
advice.  It's one thing when a person comes up to you and sez:

"I thinking of doing X.  What do you think?"   You can then say "That sounds
cool!!! Have you thought of substituting Y instead of Z, as that is what
they were more likely to do in your time frame."

Sometimes we must just grit our teeth, and refrain from offering the advice
when it wasn't asked for.  It's rough, and tough, especially when the word
polyester or plastic comes up... :)

JP

On 9/12/06, willowjonbardc at juno.com <willowjonbardc at juno.com> wrote:
>
> Greetings everyone
>
> I have a special request of you. How can we tell people that what they
> are doing is not correct? That it is not period, but at the same time
> not make them feel bad. Many newer people are telling me that they are
> living in fear because they think their costumes, art, performances or
> behavor are going to be criticized and they are going to be told that
> they are not in period.
>
> Now as a citizen of the SCA I feel it is my duty to inform people
> that their work may be better if they would stay in period. I have
> tried to tell them in a nice way. I have failed many times. Sometimes
> I am too soft. There was the young lady who was planning on beading a
> piece of polyester double knit. I warned her that taking that much
> time on double knit meant it would not get the best scores at the A&S
> competitions. She said she liked the design and she didn't plan on
> entering A&S. Of course 3 years later she did enter it and got points
> knocked because it was double Knit. She left the SCA over it. I failed
> with my own husband. I told him his work was not period and he is
> still mad at me. Sometimes I have helped people. There was a lady who
> in the everyday world won many awards for her needlework, but she was
> getting nowhere in SCA. I suggested she change her designs to
> something period and she received many awards for her work. When I
> told her that her designs were wrong she cried, but a year later when
> she got her Thistle she hugged me.
>
> We need to tell people the rules of the game, but we need to do it in
> a nice way. Does anyone remember a time when someone set you on the
> right path and did in a way that made you feel good? I would like to
> hear about their techniques. Courtesy is one of the pillars of the
> magic that is Ansteorra. We are smart people. We need to figure out
> how to tell people things without hurting their feelings.
> Duchess Willow de Wisp
>
>
>
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-- 
I want to fight and to strive, to vie with my opponents and friends, and at
the end of the day cry out "ENOUGH!!! For I can lift my arms no longer"

That is what is good in life.