NK - Russia has been invaded?

[Hugh Niewoehner]

Here is something fun off of the net.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3520/sca_siezes_russia.html

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MOSCOW--Official reports from the Kremlin Tuesday confirmed that the
Society for Creative Anachronism, a group of medieval-wargames
hobbyists,
seized control of Russia in a bloodless coup over the weekend.

"Weakened by food shortages, political instability and widespread
economic
chaos, our military's combined forces proved no match for the enemy's
rattan-and-duct-tape broadswords and homemade weaponry," said deposed
Russian president Boris Yeltsin during a national radio address in which
he
relinquished rulership to the "Principality Of The Mists," one of
several
dozen SCA "kingdoms."

"I can't tell you how humiliating this is," he added.

The SCA, founded in 1966 by a group of Berkeley science-fiction and
fantasy
fans, is a non-profit organization dedicated to fun and learning through
such medieval activities as metalwork, calligraphy, lute-playing and
brewing. Boasting more than 20,000 dues-paying members in 14 countries,
the
club is also known for holding elaborately staged mock battles, followed
by
feasting and merrymaking amid the revelry of troubadours and jesters.

The seizure of over 70% of Russia's land mass marks the first time the
SCA
has ventured into the arena of international politics.

"I can't believe how easy it was to claim Kiev for the Kingdom Of
Ealdormere," said Royal Peer Gawain Falconsfyre, a 44-year-old
tech-support
assistant from a suburb of Toronto. "It was a piece of cake. Haven't any
of
these Russians ever heard of a moving-shield-wall offense?"

Falconsfire and an SCA faction armed only with rubber maces successfully
captured two Russian tank divisions outside Moscow Saturday when fuel
shortages immobilized the armored vehicles.

Due to the disarray of communications within Russia, information
regarding
the actual invasion is sketchy. It was confirmed, however, that St.
Petersburg was taken without a shot being fired late Saturday morning,
after thousands of Russian soldiers deserted their posts, joining
approximately 70 SCA knights advancing on the city in hopes of being
issued
new boots and coats.

The SCA also overtook vast areas at the borders of former Russian
republics
Ukraine and Belarus simply by trading several sacks of potatoes for
enemy
guns.

"Forsooth, mine legions of brave warmakers hath conquered the Lands West
O'
the Urals! Let there be great rejoicing in our noble victory!" 
exclaimed
Cedric, Bard of the House of Æthelmearc, 36, hoisting a flagon of ale.
"What, ho! Bring on the serving wenches!"

Cedric, known as Harold Freed when among non-SCA members, is credited
with
capturing two military air bases and a string of missile installations
throughout the north Caucasus region along the Georgian border--an area
rendered vulnerable by ethnic infighting, corruption and military
anarchy.

SCA leaders, who have called the weekend's campaign "a really good
time,"
were said to be especially pleased with the invasion's early wrap-up, as
it
left the remainder of the weekend free for social recreation in the form
of
mead-drinking, archery contests, and the singing of bawdy madrigals.

Even captured Russian soldiers were invited to join in the fun and
campfire
dancing. Such "good sportsmanship" has some analysts arguing that the
SCA's
power base in Russia may even benefit the troubled land in the long run.

"Though civilian rioting and widespread starvation still rock the major
population centers, Russia is actually more stable right now than it has
been for the last 18 months," Harvard political science professor F.
Horace
Gunderson said. "Candle-dipping seminars are addressing the problems
posed
by energy shortages, and the booths selling roasted turkey legs
represent,
in many regions, the first source of food in weeks."

"This could be the best thing to happen to Russia in years," agreed
State
Department foreign-affairs analyst Howard Plum. "The sale of jewelry,
driftwood art and other medieval handcrafting at concession tables
throughout Russia has boosted local economies, and SCA presence has even
created new jobs in the custodial and campground-rental fields."

The U.N. security council is drafting a proposal urging SCA forces to
remain in Russia, at least until a more viable interim government can be
structured.

"Under the current political system, the Russian people face Mafia
domination of the black market and a deteriorating national
infrastructure," U.N. Ambassador Thomas R. Pickering said. "With an
elaborately networked consortium of amateur gamers in charge, however,
there will at least be some semblance of order."

Members of SCA nobility, however, say the group has no interest in
running
Russia for any great length of time, especially with the members' need
to
prepare for their next major event, this summer's Pennsic War between
the
East and Middle Kingdoms, to be held in Pennsylvania. Insiders expect
the
occupying forces to return power to the Russian government "on the honor
system" and return to their day jobs by the end of the week.

"We're doing this for fun, not the vulgar acquisition of personal
political
power," said insurance actuary and Arizona native Willownook Pendragon,
of
the Kingdom of Atenveldt. "We're here to celebrate our mutual interest
in
the ways and customs of pre-1600 feudal Europe, and to bedeck ourselves
in
the heraldic regalia of our fictional medieval personas, not to get
mixed
up in politics."

Pendragon added that "anyone who wants to have a fun time and make new
friends" should check out the SCA home page or contact the group's
California headquarters directly at its toll-free number for more
information on an SCA chapter in their area.

"We're really just friendly folks who welcome outsiders," Pendragon
said.
"Plus, now is a great time to get involved, because there's lots of
super
events coming up this summer, and you'll want time to prepare the
correct
blazon for your heraldry."


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