[Northkeep] Off topic but funny

ravenrux at cox.net ravenrux at cox.net
Sat Jan 24 09:13:35 PST 2004


ENGINEERING CHANGE ORDER #2004.

TO:  All field technicians who maintain BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND or GIRLFRIEND/WIFE accounts.

It has come to our attention that there have been numerous undocumented features in the MATRIMONY Couple User Interface.  These malfunctions have been resolved.  The following changes should be made on any systems using the MATRIMONY interface:

1)  Go into the registry and erase "MYSOGONY.EXE"  This is a virus and will crash MATRIMONY.  Reboot immediately.

2)	Go to the “HUMANITY”  dialog box.  Under “Discriminate on the basis of:”  select “Do not discriminate.”

3)	Install “EQUALITY Deluxe Edition.”   Run the program. 

4)	From the “EQUALITY>WOMEN”  menu select “EQUAL PAY”  “SHARED HOUSEWORK” and “EQUAL CHILD CARE RESPONSIBILITIES.”

5)	In the root directory delete “STATUS QUO” if the version number is before 20CAD.

6)	Run “RESPECT 1.0.”  This is a hidden file and is largely untested, but our team has been getting positive results with it.  We have been running this program for 4 years and have never had a serious crash.  This is a very small program that does not take many resources.

7)	Reboot the computer.


Your system should now run smoothly.  If problems persist, contact our tech support via e-mail at marriage_counselor at professionals.biz.  

ENGINEERING MANAGER


************************
Daruma, who is a conscientious objector in the war of the sexes.

From: "Montega Blackdragon" <montega_blackdragon at hotmail.com>
Date: 2004/01/23 Fri AM 08:00:56 EST
To: northkeep at ansteorra.org
Subject: [Northkeep] Off topic but funny

Subject: New Software



Dear Tech Support,



Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a 
slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry 
applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.



In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as 
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs 
such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and 
House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system!



I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it didn't help. 
What can I do?



Signed,

-Desperate







Reply:

Dear Desperate:



First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while 
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.



Try entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to 
install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then 
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But 
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, 
Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that creates 
SnoringLoudly.Wav files.



Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or re-install another 
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash 
Husband 1.0.



In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited 
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider 
additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally 
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.9.



Good Luck!

-Tech Support




Thought this would bring a chuckle or two!

Tega

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