[Northkeep] Off topic but funny
ravenrux at cox.net
ravenrux at cox.net
Sat Jan 24 09:13:35 PST 2004
ENGINEERING CHANGE ORDER #2004.
TO: All field technicians who maintain BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND or GIRLFRIEND/WIFE accounts.
It has come to our attention that there have been numerous undocumented features in the MATRIMONY Couple User Interface. These malfunctions have been resolved. The following changes should be made on any systems using the MATRIMONY interface:
1) Go into the registry and erase "MYSOGONY.EXE" This is a virus and will crash MATRIMONY. Reboot immediately.
2) Go to the HUMANITY dialog box. Under Discriminate on the basis of: select Do not discriminate.
3) Install EQUALITY Deluxe Edition. Run the program.
4) From the EQUALITY>WOMEN menu select EQUAL PAY SHARED HOUSEWORK and EQUAL CHILD CARE RESPONSIBILITIES.
5) In the root directory delete STATUS QUO if the version number is before 20CAD.
6) Run RESPECT 1.0. This is a hidden file and is largely untested, but our team has been getting positive results with it. We have been running this program for 4 years and have never had a serious crash. This is a very small program that does not take many resources.
7) Reboot the computer.
Your system should now run smoothly. If problems persist, contact our tech support via e-mail at marriage_counselor at professionals.biz.
ENGINEERING MANAGER
************************
Daruma, who is a conscientious objector in the war of the sexes.
From: "Montega Blackdragon" <montega_blackdragon at hotmail.com>
Date: 2004/01/23 Fri AM 08:00:56 EST
To: northkeep at ansteorra.org
Subject: [Northkeep] Off topic but funny
Subject: New Software
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry
applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs
such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system!
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it didn't help.
What can I do?
Signed,
-Desperate
Reply:
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to
install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that creates
SnoringLoudly.Wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or re-install another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.9.
Good Luck!
-Tech Support
Thought this would bring a chuckle or two!
Tega
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