[Northkeep] IN HONOR OF TARTAN DAY

Niewoehner, Hugh hughn at ssd.fsi.com
Thu Apr 7 06:07:25 PDT 2005


 

Great Events in Scottish History:

1326 - The game of golf was invented in Scotland, followed shortly
thereafter by the invention of the word "DAMMIT!"

1410 - Drinky MacDrunkard discovered how to make single malt scotch. He
was then beaten to death by his neighbors when they found out they had
to wait 12 years before they could drink it.

1453 - Kurt MacCobain invented the plaid flannel kilt and followed it up
with his hit song "Smells Like Distilled Spirits"

1570 - Godawful MacScreechy conceived the idea for a new musical
instrument after getting drunk and accidentally setting fire to his cat.

1623 - The Scots invented money. That same year, they also invented
tight-fisted skinflintery.

1697 - By a three-vote margin, the Scots lost the "Brawlingest
Drunkards" award to the Irish. A title which the Irish still hold to
this day.

1724 - Smartass MacJoker entered his newly created dish, haggis, into
the Betty MacCrocker Cooking contest as a prank. The judges, being three
sheets to the wind at the time, picked it as the winner, and the
culinary atrocity has been a Scottish staple ever since.

1823 - Crazy MacWhacko stayed sober for an entire year, and was hung for
treason.

1907 - Tipsy MacSwigger invented drunk driving.

2257 - Montgomery Scott, beloved alcoholic engineer of the Starship
Enterprise, started a bar fight with some Klingons at Space Station K-7,
thus finally bringing honor and the "Brawlingest Drunkards" trophy back
to Scotland. 




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