[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]

[Jerry Herring]

Sigh-- who has time to think of these :P  

Funny-- :)

Kelandra




________________________________
From: Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner <burgborrendohl at valornet.com>
To: The Barony of Northkeep <northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Mon, April 19, 2010 4:15:36 PM
Subject: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]



---

  Subject: Puns for the Educated...

      1.  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
      years of war with the Hittites.  His last great possession was
      the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
      ancient world.  Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
      to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
      for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
      protested. "Don't you know who I am?  I am the king!" Croesus
      replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
      you are."

        
      2.  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
      were avid bowlers.  Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
      were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
      the Tells bowled.

        
      3.  A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
      "Doctor!  I think I'm shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded,
      "Now, settle down.  You'll just have to be a little patient."

        
      4.  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
      engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
      steady diet of seagulls.  One day, his supply of the birds ran
      out so he had to go out and trap some more.  On the way back, he
      spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
      gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and
      charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
      immortal porpoises.

        
      5.  Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
      wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
      the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.  The
      new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
      or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
      origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"

        
      6.  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
      medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
      out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
      telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
      leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to
      see how the chief was feeling.  The chief shrugged and said,
      "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

        
      7.  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
      found his name missing from the town register.  His wife
      insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
      apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
      census."

        
      8.  There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin,
      one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
      skin.  All three became pregnant.  The first two each had a baby
      boy.  The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.        This just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
      equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.  (Some
      of you may need help with this one).


      9.  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
      folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
      indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
      for any case of constipation.  When the anthropologist expressed
      his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
      tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."