[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]
M Hopfer
myth_archangel at hotmail.com
Mon Apr 19 21:43:36 PDT 2010
This is...terrible. Just terrible. These are the kinds of jokes MY family would tell...that's how you KNOW it's bad.
~Mike
> Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:15:36 -0500
> From: burgborrendohl at valornet.com
> To: northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org
> Subject: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]
>
>
>
> ---
>
> Subject: Puns for the Educated...
>
> 1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
> years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was
> the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
> ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
> to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
> for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
> protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus
> replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
> you are."
>
>
>
> 2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
> were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
> were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
> the Tells bowled.
>
>
>
> 3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
> "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded,
> "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
>
>
>
> 4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
> engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
> steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran
> out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he
> spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
> gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and
> charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
> immortal porpoises.
>
>
>
> 5. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
> wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
> the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The
> new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
> or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
> origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"
>
>
>
> 6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
> medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
> out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
> telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
> leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to
> see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
> "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
>
>
>
> 7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
> found his name missing from the town register. His wife
> insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
> apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
> census."
>
>
>
> 8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin,
> one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
> skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby
> boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
> This just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
> equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some
> of you may need help with this one).
>
>
> 9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
> folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
> indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
> for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed
> his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
> tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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