[Northkeep] Fw: Tips for Holiday Eating

Melissa Long Blevins hlecalais at sbcglobal.net
Mon Dec 20 13:14:26 PST 2010



 If ifs and buts were candy and nuts,we would all have a Merry Christmas!
Dr. Sheldon L. Cooper




 
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS 

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows 
nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. 
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it 
any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's  a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have 
two. It's later than you think. It's  Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy 
does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. 
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole 
milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an 
automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your 
eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's 
food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You 
can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for 
long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 
10-pound plate of food  and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted 
Christmas cookiesin the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and 
don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. 
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never 
going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin,Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you 
don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When 
else do you get to have more than one dessert?  LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory 
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up 
from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but 
hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely 
in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, 
chocolate in one hand and COOKIES in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally 
worn out and screaming,  "WOO HOO what a ride!"


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