[Northkeep] Fwd: FW: Threat Alert in Europe 2011 (or some good natured Euro bashing himor)

[Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner]

This is all in fun, with humor based on history and some general 
stereotyping.  If you feel you might be offended, please don't continue.


            *
            ALERTS TO YEAR 2011 THREATS IN EUROPE:*BY JOHN CLEESE

            *The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
            terrorist threats****and have therefore raised their
            security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."***

            *
            Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
            "Irritated" or****even "A Bit Cross." The English have not
            been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in****1940 when tea
            supplies nearly ran out. ***

            **

            *Terrorists have been re-categorized****from "Tiresome" to
            "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued
            a****"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
            threatened by the Spanish****Armada.
            **
            **The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off"
            to "Let's get****the****Bastards." They don't have any other
            levels. This is the reason they have****been used on the
            front line of the British army for the last 300 years.**
            **
            The French government announced yesterday that it has raised
            its terror****alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two
            higher levels in France are**** "Surrender" and
            "Collaborate".  The rise was precipitated by a recent
            fire****that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
            effectively paralyzing the****country's military capability.

            Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
            Excitedly" to****"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more
            levels remain: "Ineffective Combat****Operations" and
            "Change Sides."

            The Germans have increased their alert state from
            "Disdainful Arrogance" to****"Dress in Uniform and Sing
            Marching Songs." They also have two****higher****levels:
            "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

            Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;
            the only threat****they are worried about is NATO pulling
            out of Brussels .

            The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
            ready to deploy.****These beautifully designed subs have
            glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy****can get a really
            good look at the old Spanish navy. *

            **

            *Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
            "No worries" to****"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more
            escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I****think we'll need to
            cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
            is****canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
            of the final****escalation level.*

            -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

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