[Northkeep] Amusing Story

[Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner]

Dearest Gentles...

          I pray your indulgence,  for the following story is not 
strictly related to the SCA,  but does pertain to activities surrounding 
historical research pursuent to SCA interests.  And, mayhaps you will

find it amusing...   I have several other such stories,  and if my

dear readers do find some amusement in this story,  then I would be 
pleased to present them.

          Yours in Service,

          Thomas Ignatius Perigrinus

          Minister of Arts and Sciences

          College of St Felix (choose your favorite,  there are 17 St.

Felixs)

The Lump

          While I was working in Sweden,  I had many chances to visit 
London.

Through a strange set of circumstances, while performing historical 
research I was able to be of service to the Abbot of Westminster Abbey.

As a reward,  I was presented with a weather worn carved capital from 
the Chapel of Henry VI'th which was being replaced with a new one.  (The 
service had pertained to this restoration work)  Although weatherworn 
and a bit crumbly,  it is delicately carved, and so I worked hard to 
protect it.

Since it weighs 50+ pounds, this was not easy.

          Fortunately,  I had traveled from Sweden to England with my good

Lady, her Mother, and her sister...   Even though the latter two of

our party

were planning to travel onwards, rather than return to Sweden,  it had been

cheapest to buy everyone round trip tickets...   So the fact that I

had a 50+

pound chunk of Westminster Abbey didn't seem like it would present a 
problem...

I had a pair of spare return trip tickets.  It could fly as a passanger!!!!

          Check in was fun...    "I'd like to check in three to

Sweden..."

presenting the tickets...   "Yes sir...   would you put your carry on

bag on the scale???"   "No,  that's one of the passangers".   "Yes, sir,

would you put _their_ bag on the scale."   "No,  I didn't make myself

clear.

That is not a bag belonging to a passanger... that bag is the passanger."

"Excuse me sir...   did you say the BAG is the PASSANGER?"   "Yes,  and

it would like a window seat."    At this point they decided I was

definately

daft,  and I spent th next ten minutes talking to various managers...

Finally that was cleared up, and the bag got it's window seat.

          Arriving at the security gate,  I placed my bag firmly (ka-

thunk)

on the x-ray machine...  and of course no x-rays penetrated the rock...

So they asked me;  "What do you have in there, a rock?" "Why yes, I do".

"Well sir, could you be so kind as to open it?" "But of course..."

Well, they were very amused, but seeing as how I had the foresight to 
obtain a legal possesion and export document, they finally let it through.

          I thought I had it made,  but the people at the boarding gate 
noticed that I was lugging this bag as if it contained somewhat over the

14 pounds weight allowance for carry on luggage.  Also, I was treating 
it gingerly since it is a irreplaceable thing,  and I didn't want to 
damage it...  "Excuse me sir, but if that bag weighs more than 14

pounds you will have to check it..."   "No,  thats okay,  it isn't a

bag,

it's a passanger with it's own ticket... right here."  With that, I 
showed the ticket. "Yes sir, where is the person who's ticket this is?" 
"No, let me make it clear, this bag is the passanger, it is going to sit 
in a seat, next to the window." "Yes, sir, could you kindly

step into the security office with us?..."     Sigh...

          Finally we board the airplane...  I thought we had it made...

But alas,  fate had a bit more planned for me.  Shortly after the plane 
buttoned up,  the stewardess came around and asked me if I could move 
the bag off of the seat (It was firmly seat belted in place), because a 
passanger wanted to move to the window (I should have realized that 
might cause problems). "No,  I am afraid I won't move the bag,  and

besides,  I have paid for that seat...."   "Well yes sir,  if that is

your reserved seat,  than could you sit in it and give the other 
gentleman the seat you are sitting in?"  "I'm afraid I have not made it 
clear...

I have paid for a ticket for the bag...  it is a passanger.  That is 
it's reserved seat....  I have a ticket, I am a passanger, and this is 
my reserved seat.  We are both passangers, with tickets, and reserved 
seats...  (and trying to suprress a grin)  And we would both like the 
chicken entree."  ....  eventually I was able to convince the co-pilot 
that the bag was a bona-fide passanger with a ticket,  that it didn't 
constitute a threat to the welfare of the airplane,  and that it did 
have a right to both the window seat and the chicken entree...