[Ravensfort] Curiosity and the List.....

[Charley Atchley]

I know what your saying, "The absurd Gothic mad man is responding to his own
e-mail again.

Just thought that I would state that it is a common myth of history that the
Goths burned Rome using torches. Let me tell you what really happened.

In 324 the Gothic nation demanded promised payment for defending the north
eastern borders against the Huns. The Goths sent a fairly polite email to
the emperor and requested that he make good on the debt. He responded by
being elusive in his reply. He set up a secret ballot so that the members of
the senate could take a poll. This Really made the Goths mad. They spent the
next several weeks dredging up old slights and posting them to the Roman
email list. The whining got louder when the emperor announced that he had
heard all he was going to listen to on this subject. He started feeding the
Goths to the lions. Now as you can imagine the SPCA became upset about this,
because the lions were dying of indigestion and alcohol poisoning. They
started posting wild accusations all over the internet about how the emperor
had devised this scheme just to kill the poor lions. (The lions were
strangely quiet about all of this. It is assumed they had dialup connections
and were barely able to keep up with posting pictures of unwed lions and
their naked cubs. (This was known as lion bastard porn in those days.) It
was a popular form of entertainment.)
The situation was made worse when one of the members of the imperial senate
announced that he had built a Death Star, and he was going to use it against
the Goths. The Goths wrote back and informed him that he was thinking of the
wrong damned imperial senate. At this point his lackey, who was this
asthmatic guy named lord Crater who made a horrible noise when he breathed
filtered all of the Goth's email from the list.
The Goths became so angered that they spamed all of the roman email servers
with macro based viruses like the Melissa virus, the I love you virus and
others. The poor IT departments were caught in the middle until a server
tech named Alaric devised an email that was so good it was able to insult
everyone in the roman empire personally at the same time. The Romans were so
mad that many of them set fire to their terminal, and the IT department,
panicked at the thought of all of the work orders that were going to be
rolling in soon (Please come fix my computer. I don't know what is wrong
with it. It just sits on the desk and smokes. It might have a virus) and
shut down the IX I I system (911) for those of you with late period
personas). In the ensuing chaos that followed the entire city was burned.
The Goths were so impressed that they made Alaric the emperor of Rome.

So there you have it.! that is how the fall of the roman empire really took
place. That is why all emails that try to rise to the standard that Alaric
set are called flames.

The world according to Beer.