Fwd: SC - kegs and barrels

[Par Leijonhufvud]

On Tue, 4 Nov 1997 07:17:58 -0600 L Herr-Gelatt and J R Gelatt
<liontamr at ptd.net> writes:
>WARNING! HUMOR ALERT.
>
>Aoife and Adamantius exchange some badinage:

Julleran adds her .02 worth. If you think being a seneschal is bad, try
being his personal secretary:

>
>Well, the ability to thoughtfully express  abject ignorance is, IMHO,
>paramount (not that you did, but it's a start!). Complimentive 
>Backpeddaling
>is very important, too.

Torin always just said, "Uh-h-h-h."

>
>You must be able to follow that with a statement sort of like: "I'll 
>get
>back to you on that", which is similar to "it's in the mail".

Torin said, "I think Julleran knows that."

>
>Next you must be willing to dedicate a large portion of your time to 
>running
>away when the phone rings, until you actually hear who is on the 
>answering
>machine tape.

Phone? Torin never answered it. WHen I did and he realized it was an SCA
problem, he left the house.

 Every group has a wierdo that must call the Seneschal 
>with a
>personal crisis at 2:00 a.m. My favorite was: "What sort of tape 
>should I
>wrap this rattan with?"

Luckily, we had few weirdos. Or depending on who you talk to, all
weirdos, making us much more appreciative of the rest of the group.


>
>You must be able to sneak vast amounts of copying material into your 
>office
>account without them knowing.

He sent me to Staples. $.02 a copy.

>
>You must be able to name drop on a level with the gods. You don't have 
>to
>actually know the people involved, just how their names are 
>pronounced. 

Knights do know the people involved - they just don't know their names.
Let alone the pronunciation.

>
>A Toughie: You must be able to give five reasons why it is a bad idea 
>to use
>Robert's Rules of Order in an SCA meeting context.

One was enough - "Who said this is a democracy?" while slapping his sword
on his open hand.

>
>You must be able to run a meeting with an iron hand, while 
>simultaneously
>making them all think you love them to death (even though you wish 
>they'd
>just shut up). An egg timer with a loud DING comes in handy here.

Our meetings have always been modified bedlam. They're more fun that way.
But it was awfully hard for me to keep the minutes.

>
>You must develop a stock of phrases for wording policy that makes it 
>sound
>impressive while actually meaning nothing.

I wrote the policies of Buckland Cross. The last (no. 5) is "don't worry,
be happy."

>
>You must carefully cultivate no opinions whatsoever. After a year or 
>so, you
>don't care anymore, so this isn't a problem.

Torin always cultivated dozens of opinions. He just never listened to
them. Unless they were about fighting. Or woodworking.


>
>You must learn to convincingly smile ingratiatingly, even though you 
>don't
>mean it.

Have you ever seen a Knight/Laurel smile. Not a pretty sight. Be afraid.


>
>You must go to events far, far away, where no one knows you're a 
>seneschal.
>In this way, you will never be asked to do things at your own or 
>neighboring
>events that no sane person would volunteer to do. Did you know that a
>Seneschal is the drop-dead cook, toilet scrubber, floor sweeper, 
>contract
>signer, and angry site-owner mediator?

Or, you make your wife the head cook and contract signer and angry
site-owner mediator, then go sweep the floors, happily oblivious to
everything around you.

 It has all happened to me.
>
>You must have a bank balance sufficient to cover the sanity break you 
>will
>desperatley need when your second term of office is over (perversely, 
>you
>will serve a second term. This is known as Stupid Seneschal Syndrome, 
>or
>SSS). I went to Disney. For you, should you decide to take up the 
>torch for
>a while, I'd suggest New Orleans, preferably during Mardi Gras. Either 
>place
>has no trouble with the shrieking that happens during your nervous
>breakdown. They think you're just having fun. 

You got a break after your second term? That's the problem. We don't have
terms. Maybe I should insist on them retroactively, just so we can take a
break. Downtown Poughkeepsie sounds good.
 
>
>
>Aoife---glad to be retired after almost 5 years. Naturally, the joint 
>is
>going to hel without me.


Aoife, you should have had your husband be your secretary and made it
easy on yourself. And Adamantius has a wife, I believe. See? No problems.
Make him a seneschal and his wife his secretary. Then he can spend all
his time cooking.


Julleran, whose husband *finally* stepped down after more than five years
as Seneschal. Can I take a break now? :-D
============================================================================

To be removed from the SCA-Cooks mailing list, please send a message to
Majordomo at Ansteorra.ORG with the message body of "unsubscribe SCA-Cooks".

============================================================================