SC - Food Spoilage Table, the Next Generation!

[DianaFiona]

     Well, this is a switch! One of the folks I sent this to forwarded it on
to her usual selection of friends--and got it back with addendums! Enjoy the
extras.......  ;-)

             Ldy Diana
<< 
 --------- Begin forwarded message ----------
 
 >FOOD SPOILAGE TABLE
 >Submitted by Jstielau at aol.com
 >
 >THE GAG TEST
 >Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from
 >what you cooked for yourself last night).
 
 ...addendum:  anything that your SO cooked which made you gag *when
 served* is, by definition "not spoiled" regardless of how long you have
 been ignoring it.
 
 >EGGS
 >When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
 >probably past its prime.
 
 If the something that's pecking its way out is of a species other than
 the one which laid the egg, then the egg is most definitely past its
 prime but the new tenant is in need of close inspection to determine if
 *it* might be just about ready for the microwave.
 
 >DAIRY PRODUCTS
 >Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
 >Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
 
 Yogurt is spoiled, period.
 
 >Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese.
 
 Cottage cheese is spoiled when it either (a) has any colors included
 other than white, or (b) has differentiated into solid and liquid
 fractions of dissimilar appearance, or (c) smells like either yogurt or
 any variety of cheese except cottage or cream.
 
 Cream cheese is spoiled if (a) it can be grated, (b) it is no longer
 white, (c) it fails test (c) for cottage cheese, or (d) the foil pouch
 has corroded through at any point.
 
 >Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't
 >get any more spoiled than it is already.
 
 Regular *white* cheese can spoil; any cheese which was not supposed to
 be marbled, but which is marbled now, is spoiled.  Any white cheese that
 is no longer white is spoiled.  Any yellow or orange cheese which is now
 green, either partly or entirely, is spoiled.  Roquefort, Bleu and other
 such "marbled" cheeses are, by definition, spoiled when offered for
 sale, and should simply not be purchased.
 
 >MAYONNAISE
 >If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
 spoiled.
 
 If it looks like tartar sauce, it's not mayonnaise anymore.
 
 >FROZEN FOODS
 >Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
 >problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or
 >wrecked, anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
 
 Frozen foods which have been moved from one home address to another more
 than twice in a period of more than two years, or which have been moved
 from household to household more than four times in any length of time,
 or which have spent more than three of the same holiday in the freezer
 (either with or without defrosting) should be treated as spoiled.
 
 >GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
 >Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a
 >hamster.  Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.
 
 The hamster is subject to the same rule as the rest of the food; i.e. if
 it dies, then it's spoiled.
 
 
 
 --------- End forwarded message ----------
  >>
============================================================================

To be removed from the SCA-Cooks mailing list, please send a message to
Majordomo at Ansteorra.ORG with the message body of "unsubscribe SCA-Cooks".

============================================================================