SC - FW: joke for those not at Pennsic

[CorwynWdwd@aol.com]

> ----------
> From: 	durock[SMTP:durock at interlinks.net]
> Reply To: 	ealdormere-l at informer1.CIS.McMaster.CA
> Sent: 	Tuesday, August 11, 1998 11:03 AM
> To: 	Multiple recipients of list
> Subject: 	jokes for those not at Pennsic
> 
> Greetings All,
> 
> I just thought I'd fill up some of the empty spaces left by those who've
> gone to Pennsic. I thought this was cute, enjoy :-)
> 
> ~Ivanova~
> MKA Laurie Woodward
> durock at interlinks.net
> 
> To: Cabinet Members
> From: N. Bonerpart
> Subject: Operation Backbacon
> Classification: Top Secret
> 
> 
> The American economy, in dire need of recovery from the blahs,
> necessitates drastic measures.  Our foreign policy is also in shambles,
> due to our fixation with unpronouncible countries while ignoring
> our immediate neighbors.  Recent military operations have shown that,
> indeed, practice makes perfect.  Thus, Operation Backbacon combines
> economic, political, and military facets of government in a timely fashion
> (i.e. before an election).
> 
> In a nutshell, Operation Backbacon is the invasion, conquest, and
> annexation of Canada.  The economic benefits are thusly; improved access
> to timber for our junk mail infrastructure, water for our farmers and
> amusement parks, and dramatically improved supply of good beer. The
> foreign policy benefits include elimination of a costly and inert embassy.
> The military benefits are a full-dress exercise with minimal risk
> and acess to vast wilderness areas for our troops to go camping in. 
> 
> The initial wave of special forces are to be infiltrated across the
> borders disguised as hunters, fishermen, and college students buying cases
> of Molson's.  The first wave is to be executed during the Stanley
> Cup playoffs; therefore no resistance is expected.  The second wave
> requires a variety of MOS's (Military Occupational Specialty).  There will
> be military police and truckers to orchestrate the seizure and shipping of
> beer.  Surveyors and groundskeepers will rework the football fields to
> American dimensions.  Speech therapists will barrage the television and
> radio frequencies with lessons on how to pronounce words with
> "ou" properly. Packing companies will pipeline back bacon to American
> pizza distributors.
> 
> While there will be a regrettable upheaval in Canuck life, we will improve
> several facets of their system.  No Canadian will have to pay VAT (Value
> Added Tax), except for Brian Mulroney.  The monetary system will convert
> to American money, so the losses due to all those billions of Canadian
> coins in American vending machines will be eliminated.  Top executives in
> the Canadian brewing industry will be transported down to
> Milwaukie and St. Louis, and given dictatorial power over our ailing beer
> companies.
> 
> The surge in purchases of yellow and red ribbons as well as American
> flags, reduction of beer prices, and the ensuing baby boom should
> invigorate the economy substantially.  While the effects of Operation
> Backbacon will wear off after a couple of years, there is no limitation on
> similar treatments elsewhere.  In fact, Operation Enchilada is in the
> preliminary planning stage already.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> N. Bonerpart
> 
> State Dept.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
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