SC - Kids Say The Darndest Things

[Micaylah]

Filched off the E-List that was filched from somewhere else...

Just to brighten your spirits if you're home and not at P.!

Micaylah
- -who's stomach hurts and tears are rolling down her face because she can't
get up off the floor from laughing so much-

>
>)This is a compilation of actual student bloopers collected by teachers
>)from 8th grade through college.
>)
>)Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
>)They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
>)the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>)
>)The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
>)Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.  One of
>)their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" Moses led the
>)Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
>)which is bread
>)made without any ingredients.  Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the
>)ten commandments.  He died before he ever reached Canada.
>)
>)Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. The Greeks
>)were a highly sculptured people, and without them  we wouldn't have
>)history.  The Greeks also had myths.  A myth is a female moth.  Actually,
>)Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
>)
>)Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
>)advice.  They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
>)his
>)death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games,
>)Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
>)Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.  History calls people Romans
>)because they never stayed in one place for very long. Julius Caesar
>)extinguished himself on the battle fields of Gaul.  The Ides of March
>)murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.  Dying,
>)he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."  Nero was a cruel tyranny who would
>)torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
>)
>)Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
>)Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the
>)same offense. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest
>)writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses
>)and also wrote literature. Another story was William Tell, who
>)shot an arrow
>)through an apple while standing on his son's head.
>)
>)Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
>)When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
>)
>)It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
>)Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.  Another important
>)invention was the circulation of blood.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
>)figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.  And Sir
>)Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
>)
>)The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.  He was
>)born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.  He never made much
>)money and is famous only because of his plays.  He wrote tragedies,
>)comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.  Romeo and Juliet
>)are an example of a heroic couplet.  Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
>)Juliet.
>)
>)Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.  He wrote
>)Donkey Hote.  The next great author was John Milton.  Milton wrote Paradise
>)Lost.  Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>)
>)During the Renaissance America began.  Christopher Columbus was a great
>)navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.  His
>)ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.  Later, the
>)Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress.  The
>)winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.  Many people died and
>)many babies were born.  Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
>)
>)One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in
>)their tea.  Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
>)without stamps.  Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to
>)pay for taxis.
>)
>)Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
>)Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
>)Declaration of Independence.  Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
>)two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself
>)cannot stand."  Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>)
>)Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
>)domestic hostility.  Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to
>)keep
>)bare arms.
>)
>)Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.  Lincoln's mother
>)died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
>)hands.  Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
>)Proclamation.  On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
>)theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
>)show.
>)The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
>)actor.  This ruined Booth's career.
>)
>)Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
>)invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.  Gravity was
>)invented by Issac Walton.  It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when
>)the apples are falling off the trees.
>)
>)Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
>)number of children.  In between he practiced on an old spinster
>)which he kept
>)up in his attic.  Bach died from 1750 to the present.  Bach was the most
>)famous composer in the world and so was Handel.  Handel was half
>)German, half
>)Italian and half English.  He was very large.
>)
>)Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
>)loud music.  He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
>)was calling
>)for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>)
>)The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
>)into Napoleon.  Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since
>)Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
>)
>)The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in
>)the East and the sun sets in the West.  Queen Victoria was the longest
>)queen.  She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who
>)practiced virtue.  Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
>)
>)The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
>)People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
>)The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
>)Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
>)the work of a hundred men.  Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
>)
>)Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
>)
>)Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx
>)brothers.
>)
>)The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an
>)anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
>)
>
>
>Regards,
>
>Aonghas
>
>May thee hae meikle feres, kennin fae,
>A guid burdie (chiel') an ding a fou coggie.
>Lang May Thee Lum Reek!!!!
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>ICQ #12435508
>E-Mail Address: hylndr at ionline.net
>Homepage: http://www.ionline.net/~hylndr
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
>

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