SC - Christmas Humour - OOP - OT

[Micaylah]

I thought this was kinda cute. No crediting is available as I don't know
who wrote it. Oh ya, btw, there are referenes made to Christianity, please
no offense is meant, and as this is humour hopefully none will be taken.

Micaylah

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Martha Stewart's Holiday Calendar
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Dec 1: Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.  Spray paint gold, turn
upside down and use as a sleigh to hold xmas cards.

Dec 2: Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
an answering machine.

Dec 3: Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion
cat-o'-nine-tails.  Flog gardener.

Dec 4: Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

Dec 5: Get new eyeglasses.  Grind lenses myself.

Dec 6: Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for
consideration.  

Dec 7: Debug Windows 95.

Dec 10: Align Carpets to adjust for curvature of the earth.

Dec 11: Lay Faberge egg.

Dec 12: Take dog apart.  Disinfect.  Reassemble.

Dec 13: Collect dentures.  They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly
for decorative pie crusts.

Dec 14: Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

Dec 15: Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case
tires are shot out at mall.

Dec 17: Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

Dec 19: Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

Dec 20: Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

Dec 21: Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and
cinnamon sticks.

Dec 22: Float votive candles in the toilet tank.

Dec 23: Seed clouds for white Christmas.

Dec 24: Do my annual good deed.  Go to several stores.  Be seen engaged in
last-minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less
inadequate than they really are.

Dec 25: Bear son.  Swaddle.  Lay in colour co-ordinated manger scented with
homemade potpourri.

Dec 26: Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

Dec 27: Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

Dec 31: New Year's Eve! Give staff the resolutions.  Call a friend in each
time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.



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"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

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