SC - Mistress Martha Stewart? Humour OOP-OT

[Micaylah]

Don't know if anyone saw this, its really kinda funny and I can't credit it
because I have no idea where it came from....

Micaylah

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Martha Stewart's Xmas letter to Erma Bombeck:


Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell
you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and
made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold
leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to
make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had
just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the placemats and napkins for my 20
breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course
breakfast but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to
make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a
touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold
stars on the ceiling.

Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and
made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast.
These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any
Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing
for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office
as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast
 guests don't stay too long; I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay
leaves before my speaking engagement at noon.

 Love,
Martha Stewart

P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold
gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries
which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.

Response from Erma Bombeck:


Dear Martha,

I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list -- pay no attention to
the coffee and jelly stains. I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for
school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound -
seems old Ruff needs bailing out again.

Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly
fries. How DO they do that?

Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an
old disposable razor. . . trashed the tablecloth.

Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted
them in the microwave.

Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie
snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that
resembles vomit!

The smoke alarm is going off. Talk to ya later.

Love,
Erma




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"Man, you ain't lived
Till you've had your tires rotated
By a red-headed woman"
Bruce Springsteen
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