SC - Fw: Food Guide

[Sharon Nevin]

Someone forwarded this to me. It appeared on the list a while ago and like
food spoiling me thinks it has mutated again.

Sharon
Stormhold


>                    Spoilage Guide to Food
>                 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> 
> BREAD
> Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
> "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.
> Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good
> indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical
> laboratory experiment.
> 
> 
> CANNED GOODS
> Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball
> should be disposed of. Carefully.
> 
> CARROTS
> A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
> 
> CEREAL
> It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded
> when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
> 
> CHIP DIP
> If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor,
> it has gone bad.
> 
> DAIRY PRODUCTS
> Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
> when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
> when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
> but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
> already.  Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese
> but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
> 
> EGGS
> When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
> probably past its prime.
> 
> EMPTY CONTAINERS:
> Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
> but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
> 
> EXPIRATION DATES
> This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
> good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd
> benefit by having a calender in your kitchen.
> 
> FLOUR
> Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
> 
> FROZEN FOODS
> Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
> problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or
> wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
> 
> GAG TEST
> Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
> you cooked for yourself last night).
> 
> LETTUCE
> Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
> vegetable crisper without sandpaper.  Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
>  turns liquid. 
> 
> MAYONNAISE
> If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
> spoiled. 
> 
> MEAT
> If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a
> three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
> spoiled.
> 
> POTATOES
> Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
> undergrowth.
> 
> RAISINS
> Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
> 
> SALT
> It never spoils.
> 
> UNMARKED ITEMS:
> You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard
> the Tupperware along with the food.  Generally speaking, Tupperware
> containers should not burp when you open them.
> 
> GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
> Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a
> hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.

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