SC - Fw: [Mid] Chocolate
Alderton, Philippa
phlip at morganco.net
Sat Mar 14 16:05:37 PST 1998
Well, good Cooks, one and all,
Perhaps the following might give certain of you some insight into why the
Choclate thread keeps reappearing. Enjoy, AND WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE,
PLEASE,CARIADOC !
phlip at morganco.net
Never a horse that cain't be rode,
And never a rider that cain't be throwed.
:
: > CHOCOLATE
: > By John Scalzi
: >
: > Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they are. I am
: > vividly confronted with this fact every time my wife and I go out to a
: > restaurant. When it gets to dessert, my wife usually orders the most
: > chocolate-saturated dessert possible: It's the one called "Unstoppable
: > Double-Fudge Chocolate Mudslide Explosion" or some such thing. I always
: > wonder why anyone would want to eat anything that promises a
: catastrophic
: > natural disaster in your mouth.
: >
: > The dark brown monstrosity arrives at the table, and my wife takes the
: > first bite. Before the fork is even removed from her mouth, a small
: moan
: > escapes her lips. Her eyes, previously perfectly aligned, first cross
: > slightly and then faze completely, pupils dilating in pure chocolate
: > pleasure before the eyelids clamp down in ecstasy. The hand not
: holding
: > the fork clenches into a fist and starts pounding the table. The
: > silverware rattles.
: >
: > After about six minutes of this, she finally manages to swallow the
: bite,
: > realign her eyes, and take the next shuttle back from whatever
: transcendental
: > plane she's been visiting. Slowly, her sphere of consciousness expands
: > to include me, her husband, her life-long mate, her presumed partner in
: > all things ecstatic.
: >
: > "Hey, this is pretty good," she'll say. "You want some?"
: >
: > No, I don't. I want nothing to do with an object that does to my wife
: in
: > one bite what I've worked for an entire relationship to achieve. It
: wouldn't
: > do any good, anyway. Men just don't have the same relationship with
: > chocolate that women do. It's not even close. I wandered around the
: > office today and asked men -- "Chocolate. Your thoughts?" -- and the
: > result was always the same. First, a confused look as to why they're
: > being asked about something so trivial, and then some lame, obvious
: > statement: "Uh...it's brown?"
: >
: > Ask women the same question, and you get responses like "The ONLY food
: > group," "ESSENTIAL to life as we know it," and the ultimate casual
: swipe
: > at every member of the Y-chromosome brigade, "better than sex." Ouch.
: > Some women will try to make up for that last one by quickly adding that
: > chocolate is supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
: >
: > Uh-huh. Chocolate certainly increases desire; problem is the desire is
: > usually for more chocolate. The best a guy can do is buy a box of
: > chocolates and hope he'll be considered somewhere between the cherry
: > truffle and the strawberry nougat.
: >
: > Don't get me wrong. Guys like chocolate just fine; it's just not
: > essential to life as we know it. Respiration is essential to life as
: we
: know it;
: > chocolate is simply one of those nice little bonuses you get. We won't
: usually
: > pass
: > it up if it's offered, but I don't know too many guys who would get
: > substantially worked up if it were to suddenly disappear from the face
: of
: > the earth (ironic in a way, as back in the days of the Aztecs, only men
: > were allowed to have the stuff). When I eat a chocolate dessert, I
: enjoy
: > it, yes. My world view doesn't narrow to include only the plate that
: it's
: on.
: >
: > Maybe we're missing something. On the other hand, we don't have to pick
: up
: > our silverware from the floor after we're done with our tiramisu. Life
: is
: > about trade-offs like that. All I know is that come Easter,
: > chocolate will be among the things I offer my wife. I can't truly
: > appreciate it, but I can truly appreciate what it does for her. Which
: is
: > close enough.
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