wooden cutting boards was:Re: SC - Re: Feastware Question

[Anne-Marie Rousseau]

As follow-up to my "Cat Collar... funny or tasteless?" post, here is the
suprise we pulled last Baronial Birthday which, although risque, lead to
a standing ovation and a mortified recipient.

Grafin Judith von Gruenwald has her Laurel in the "presentation of the
feast."  Her mantra is "No Naked Food!"  Anyone who works in her kitchen
will hear this repeatedly.  Nothing is ever thrown away {ex. carrot
peelings can be garnish for the rice ... picture Julia Child's "Save the
Liver" a dozen times each feast} and nothing ever comes out of her
kitchen without some type of garnish on it.  Hence the "No Naked Food"
motto.

We have said for years we need to do something about this and it finally
happened at our Baronial Birthday in April.  We had a new person helping
me with the feast when Judith explained her mantra to him.  My wife's
eyes lit up and she came over and quietly asked if I could spare her for
a few hours.  

She went to a store that offers objects with adult themes, bought
several items, then called my parents and asked if she could come over
there to bake a cake.  My ultra-conservative parents, who long ago gave
up trying to understand "that medieval thing you do," became un-indicted
co-conspirators.  They baked and frosted a cake of the upper torso of a
lady, complete with 2 chocolate nipples, my dad dyed shredded coconut to
create the appropriate bodily hair and my mom contributed a cinnamon
stick for the navel.  They then made a bikini for her with 3 red cabbage
leaves with strands of carrots for the strings and boxed her up.

My lady managed to sneak it to our Baron without Judith noticing.  When
we went out to take our post-feast bows, Corwyn called Judith up to his
presence {Corwyn is on this list, so he can correct any errors I'm
making}.  He commented on her "No Naked Food!" mantra, which started
people snickering because they knew something was up.  He then opened
the box and displayed it to the populace.  By now, cameras were out and
Judith was a lovely shade of pink.  He then pulled one of the top bikini
leaves off, displaying a chocolate nipple and shouting "NAKED FOOD!!!"
then undressed her completely.  Judith's jaw almost hit the floor and
the whole hall was convulsing.  

No one could be persuaded to eat any of the cake and it went home with
Judith as a souvenir.  Six months later, the words "naked food" are
still enough to bring a healthy glow to her cheeks.  I'll be helping her
cook for our Canton's traditional event in November.  I wonder if she'll
mention those 3 magic words?

By the way, Corwyn, I'm cooking Baronial Birthday again this coming
year.  Be afraid ... be very afraid!

John le Burguillun
Canton of Cyddlain Downs {Columbia, SC}
Barony of Nottinghill Coill {everything west of I-95 in SC}
Kingdom of Atlantia
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